The Penultimate Bizarre Digimon Humor Fic
by Birdboy
Summary: Absolute insanity, bottled and exported to the digital world. Slight Hiyako, Ioblacku, Sokeru, and any other coupling I thought would be funny to throw in. Be warned of fanservice, chibis, and yuri subtext in later chapters!
1. Default Chapter

Author's notes: Please review this fanfic, I'm really not sure whether or not it's any good. My sense of humor is an odd one after all, so please, tell me what you thought of the beginning of this bizarre piece.  
  
In a room of pure blueness, a group of scholarly digimon made up of a Clockmon, an Andromon, a Jijimon, and a Monzaemon meet to discuss various mysteries of the digital world, digimon, and that sort of thing.  
  
"First on the agenda." The Jijimon reads off, "The missing link of Leomon's evolutionary chain. It is well known that in the battle with the dark masters, a Leomon warp evolved into a Saber Leomon, and furthermore, considering the name, it is certain the two are evolutionarily related. However, there are no direct evolutions to Saber Leomon on record from any of Leomon's possible evolutions."  
  
"I would like to propose Grappleomon. The longer mane and fanged mouth clearly suggest a predecessor to Saber Leomon, and the body beneath the armor could as well." Clockmon suggested.  
  
"This theory has floated around many times, but I maintain it is inaccurate. When a Leomon becomes a Grappleomon, it gains a suit of armor. However, neither this armor or anything that could come from it, nor the elemental wind-based attacks exists on a Saber Leomon, and as we all know such important elements will not be done away with on an evolution from perfect to ultimate, unless the ultimate is like a Marine Angemon, having little to do with any previous form." Andromon answered, and then added, "Panjyamon, however, makes a good deal of sense. While no Saber Leomon has ever been witnessed performing an ice attack, there is a dearth of information about the species. And Leomon to Saber Leomon would work as a direct evolution if not for the difference in level, so it makes sense for a Leomon recolor to be the proper answer."  
  
"That is impossible. The difference in color is too vast, even if Saber Leomon does use attacks of an ice element. Furthermore, while I admit that the losing of armor would be odd, so would the dropping of an element on a digimon with a body influenced so much by said element." Clockmon retorted.  
  
"The color difference means little, look at Kabuterimon to Mega Kabuterimon. And I think you both overrate element as well, Garurumon goes from fire to ice in two stages. However, there is a simple reason you overlook why it cannot be Panjyamon or Grappleomon, as they are both substantially less like Saber Leomon then Leomon is." Monzaemon added, the teddy bear puppet digimon contributing his first line to the discussion. "For that reason, I suggest Mihiramon, a quadruped feline digimon, and the stripes and vaguely manelike structure are both similar to that of Saber Leomon." Monzaemon said, and the rest laughed.  
  
"Surely you aren't serious. Mihiramon is a tiger digimon, Leomon is a lion digimon, and Mihiramon is winged to boot." Jijimon said.  
  
"Well, it seems this will take a while, so let's get through the agenda to resolve the other things quicker. Item two: What is the appearance difference between a Gotsumon and a Meteormon." Jijimon read, and then the room of blueness was destroyed in a burst of angsty flame, and they were all killed.  
  
As for the source of that angsty flame, it was not, as one might suspect, a Mewtwo, for this fanfic is quite clearly in the digimon section. Nor was it a Sefirotmon, as that would have merely sucked everyone into its eyes. Nor was it Black War Greymon, as he is dead. No, when the flames cleared, the one who stood at the center was none of those digimon, but a Platinum Sukamon, who as he destroyed the room of pure blueness, could be heard muttering, "I destroyed them. What have I done?" and then fighting back a teardrop.  
  
Back in the human world, the chosen had heard of this occurrence, and had gathered, well some of them anyway. Meanwhile, Ken Ichijouji was running at full speed, and finally entered the room where half the chosen were gathered, apologizing for his lateness. Looking around the room however, he noticed certain chosen missing. "Where are the others?" the bearer of kindness asked.  
  
"Well, Koushirou recently got a new Final Fantasy game, Iori's at kendo practice, Mimi's on another continent, Jou's studying, and Daisuke was abducted by aliens." Taichi explained.  
  
"Well, since all who are coming are here, Digiport open!"  
  
When the chosen landed, they were in the digital world. (Which is something most people reading this would have inferred by now from their knowledge of the series.) Specifically, they were by the ruins of the recently destroyed room, and looking onward at the Platinum Sukamon that had made those scholars perish in flame.  
  
"What happened here?" Taichi asked, hoping the metal shit digimon had knowledge of the catastrophe (And completely unaware of the depth of the knowledge he had that came from being the cause of said catastrophe.)  
  
Platinum Sukamon ignored Taichi, already occupied muttering about his fate. The mutterings were as follows. "Unlike most varieties of digimon, filth digimon follow a linear evolutionary path. Numemon become Monzaemon, Nanimon evolve to Digitamamon, and Sukamon transform to Etemon. As I am a Sukamon recolor, it would seem that I would become an Etemon recolor, but there are no known recolors of Etemon in existence. Am I merely fated to die without reaching my perfect form? I don't know, and destroying that place didn't get me any closer to my answer."  
  
The chosen, not getting any answers from the Platinum Sukamon, merely walked away, leaving their new enemy muttering.  
  
After some time walking, the chosen came to a rope bridge over a long body of water, and as if to taunt them, someone had put a dark tower on the other side and moved their D-terminals across the bridge, so there was no other way to get across.  
  
As for the bridge itself, it was quite normal, by which I mean the planks to step on were about a foot apart, the bridge easily swayed in the wind, and the rope gave the appearance of rotting away. But it did seem slightly more treacherous then normal, with ice covering various planks, but never the parts in between them.  
  
Most of the chosen managed to cross with relative ease (Meaning they only took about an hour crossing, and only slipped on every other step.), but after eighty minutes had passed, Hikari had suddenly stopped, quivering in fear, and seeing only darkened water ahead of her. "Miyako! Tailmon! Taichi!" The bearer of light cried out in fear, and hearing no response, began to walk to the side, into the rope. Concerned, Miyako ran back to get her, and the bridge collapsed, plunging them into a canyon below.  
  
The next thing they knew, Hikari and Miyako were on a brownish rocky ledge with the walls of the canyon going up as high as they would be able to see, were it not for the fact that their heads were currently smashed into the ground. After they stood up (And Miyako removed the hand which had "accidentally" been placed on Hikari's rear "in the process of falling."), the two female 02 chosen began to question where they had come to, and other various things that may run through one's mind after falling such a great height.  
  
"What happened?" Hikari asked, as people are known to when they go from the dark ocean to a ledge in a large canyon within what seemed to be seconds.  
  
"We had just crossed the bridge and began to battle when you started quivering and calling for help. I had just begun to run back for you when the bridge collapsed." Miyako explained, leaving Hikari somewhat more knowing, but no less worried about them being stuck down there forever.  
  
"Miyako, thank you." Hikari said, speaking in a very polite tone of voice. "Ever since that day when Sylphymon first appeared, you've always been helping me against that evil which has always threatened me. And now when we're stuck down here, maybe forever, you're still by my side, trying to help me." The bearer of light elaborated, and Miyako smiled in understanding. "And though I'm not sure quite how to explain it, I think I'm falling in love with you." She added, blushing.  
  
"Hika-chan." Miyako responded, a gigantic, almost super-deformed smile on her face. "I feel the same way." The purple-haired chosen said, pulling her jogress partner into a loving embrace, which Hikari responded to in kind, kissing the older girl.  
  
At that very moment, as if on cue by some mysterious godlike coincidental force, a hooded figure emerged out of the wall. "Forgive me if I was interrupting you, but there is information I must impart to you." The humanoid being said, bowing deeply as his golden hair fell across the part of his body where the face would be assumed to be located. At the same time, Miyako and Hikari's faces turned a deep shade of crimson.  
  
"Come with me, this may be the key to defeating Platinum Sukamon." The mysterious being said, motioning in the direction of the cliff walls. Miyako and Hikari both sweatdropped, but after the black-robed humanoid walked through the wall, they followed suit, though no less confused then before.  
  
Once they crossed through the wall, Miyako, Hikari, and the mysterious hooded figure who needs a better epithet then "The mysterious hooded figure" found themselves in a metallic room, where on each of the walls was a gigantic screen that appeared to be showing posts from a message board.  
  
"What is this?" The bearer of light asked, and then began to read some posts off. "I think this war is over now, even you must admit that Hiyako is a canon couple after a scene like that, proof doesn't show up any more clearly then this."  
  
"That kiss was just one of friendship and gratitude, the evidence for Takari is so great, when will you Hiyako shippers ever learn?"  
  
"And I suppose that since it was on the lips, with a nice heart background it couldn't possibly have been romantic. Need I mention the location of Miyako's hand during that scene?" Hikari said, and then smiled at Miyako. "Okay, they're talking about us, but how do they know this?"  
  
"It's an alternate dimension." The black-hooded creature stated definitively. "A dimension where digimon is just an anime series, and these events are fictional."  
  
"Yes, but it couldn't be that dimension. For one, Hiyako has never had a good deal of popular support, it's always been between Takari and Daikari as the major pairings. In addition, at the present time the fandom is on it's last legs and incapable of such a war, the anime ended with the events of 2002, and this is just a fanfic which will almost certainly go unread and not spark such debate." Miyako responded.  
  
"No, I'm talking about a different dimension entirely, where this is the beginning of third season of digimon adventure." The creature shrouded in black explained, sweatdropping, and suddenly began to shiver. "We're in danger. I'll hold them off, so run for it!" He ordered, his voice turning very grave and serious, throwing off his cloak revealing a Pidmon underneath and holding his staff out as three of the walls of the room were barged down by a rampaging horde of Hyogamon, Ogremon, and Fugamon,  
  
"Where to?" Hikari asked, bluntly.  
  
"The only way to go is back, and that leads to a small ledge above a huge canyon, running won't help much." Miyako added.  
  
"Right." The Pidmon replied. "Don't worry, I'm not running away, just need to get these two to safety first." He added, carrying Hikari and Miyako away. Quite a few of the Ogremon, Hyogamon, and Fugamon chased after and fell off the cliff, but the rest stood at a distance insulting the Pidmon.  
  
Meanwhile, on the other side of the digital world, a Metal Greymon came hurtling through space and exploded causing massive chaos, but this really doesn't have any impact on what is going on now. To avoid annoying transitionary scenes without much plot or humor, we will now skip forward by approximately three hours (For those who want the exact time, it's two hours, thirty-eight minutes, and forty-three seconds.)  
  
The dark tower had been destroyed, Miyako and Hikari had found the five other chosen, and an interesting scene involving a decapitated Monzaemon and stereotypes about the sexual habits of nightmare soldiers had occurred, and the chosen were headed back across the canyon when they noticed that the rope bridge was missing.  
  
"It was destroyed last time, remember?" Sora pointed out, right before Taichi took his step onto the lack of bridge.  
  
"But if we can't get back there, there's no way to defeat Platinum Sukamon." Hikari said sadly.  
  
"Explain to us why we can't just fly across?" Takeru asked, confused.  
  
"Someone decided to increase the wind speed enough so that traveling by flight became impossible." Miyako answered, emphasizing the word "Someone" and glaring at Taichi as she spoke.  
  
"It knocked over the dark tower, didn't it?' Taichi answered.  
  
"Shurimon could easily have taken down the tower, but Horsumon can't fly in these winds." Miyako responded, annoyed. Meanwhile, Takeru was glaring coldly in the other direction.  
  
"Show yourself, nightmare soldier!"  
  
"Darkness always works best from the shadows." The nightmare soldier said, in an annoying high-pitched voice.  
  
"Pico Devimon? Pico Devimon, is that you?" Takeru asked.  
  
"Pico darts!" Pico Devimon yelled, throwing a syringe, which the bearer of hope nimbly caught between his fingers. "How did you... What are you?"  
  
"Shouldn't I be the one asking you that, Mr. Eaten by Venom Vamdemon?" Takeru responded, a smirk clear on his face.  
  
"Digimon are reborn, aren't they?" The child-level nightmare soldier explained, but Takeru was not convinced.  
  
"Not when they die in the human world they're not." Takeru pointed out. "Vamdemon had to possess Oikawa, and Wizarmon became a ghost."  
  
"Um, good point." Pico Devimon said, and then flew away from the logical assault.  
  
Meanwhile, the rest of the chosen had found a far sturdier bridge a few miles down and crossed that one instead.  
  
"Shouldn't we wait for Takeru?' Sora asked, noticing the bearer of hope's disappearance.  
  
"No, we need a surprise attack, it's important strategy." Taichi answered.  
  
"I see." Sora answered, looking sadly towards the ground. The chosen (Or the half of them that was still actually there) continued on for a while, had three random encounters with hostile numemon, and then arrived at the secret lair of Platinum Sukamon (So called because it had a large blue neon sign reading "Secret lair of Platinum Sukamon on it.) At the gates of the secret lair approached a Geremon, a Karotsuki Numemon, and a Bomber Nanimon, all with weapons raised.  
  
"Who dares approach the lair of the almighty Platinum Sukamon-sama" They asked in unison, waving their various weapons threateningly.  
  
"Fox fire!" Gabumon said, shooting tiny blue fireballs at each of them, and they all disintegrated instantly.  
  
"That was easy enough." Taichi said, sweatdropping, and then suddenly adding "But the final battle's just up ahead." in a far darker tone.  
  
"The final battle?" The bearer of light asked in disbelief. "I doubt it, this is still the first chapter, and the author's never been known to write one-shots."  
  
"And so it begins..." Yamato added cryptically, finally opening his mouth as the first chapter of this fic was suddenly cut off at this random point for no good reason... 


	2. The legendary second chapter of doom!

The war had begun. The darkest of dark lords had returned to the digital world, and using the powers of darkness, had conquered a vast region, which he ruled through torture, causing misery to many innocent peace-loving digimon. If he was not stopped, this monster, this creature as powerful as one of the Holy Beasts, could prove to take over the digital world...

Meanwhile, on File Island, some of the chosen were preparing to face off against Platinum Sukamon.

"So, you've figured it out at last. I see you've defeated my underlings, but I will not fall so easily." Platinum Sukamon said coldly, his metal exterior betraying no emotion of any sort.

"You know, that's a lot more intimidating if your underlings aren't killed in one hit by a Gabumon." Yamato pointed out.

"So it is... Rare Metal Poop!" Platinum Sukamon said, firing a piece of what, in some distant universe beyond the fourth wall where digimon is only an anime series, would be called metal sludge by asinine dubbers trying to censor the series to fit in into a certain age bracket at the expense of it's integrity, in the general direction of Taichi

Taichi stood there unflinchingly, as one tends to do when attacked by a digimon weaker then it's child form, which made it all the more shocking when he found himself hit, knocked backwards, and on the ground writhing in pain.

"Impossible..." Yamato said looking on, hiding his concern for Taichi, and the Platinum Sukamon demonstrated that it was possible with another "Rare Metal Poop!" badly injuring the bearer of friendship.

"I will find it. Do not interfere!" The metallic "filth" digimon said coldly, glaring at the former digimon kaiser.

"Find it if you must, but I won't let you cause as much suffering as I did searching for it." Ken said back, equally cold-hearted.

"Wormmon shinka, Stingmon!" Ken's digimon partner said, turning into some sort of bipedal insectoid with long antennae.

"Hell Squeeze!" The green bug said, wrapping his long antennae around the "filth" digimon in an attempt to drain Platinum Sukamon's life out.

At this very moment, a few miles away, Takeru and Angemon had met up with Zeldagis and was fighting some sort of Mazoku lord called Dynast, or at least that's what the reports were saying...

"Fools... Don't they have the slightest notion of what's going on?" Platinum Sukamon mumbled cryptically, and the chosen began to smell something quite almond like...

"It's a trap!" A barely recovered Taichi yelled, and then demonstrating the courage that he was known for, ran away in fear.

"We can't run away, not until he's stopped! Digimental up!" Miyako yelled, holding up what looked like a green egg with a blue shuriken sticking through it.

"Hawkmon, armor shinka, Shurimon!" The bird digimon yelled, turning into a white ninja with blue shuriken for hands.

"Fools, do you think that can stop me! Poop slider!" The platinum digimon yelled, sliding on a trail of dung at his foe.

"Now, to send all these chemicals away! Autumn Wind!" Shurimon yelled, throwing a shuriken at the Sukamon recolor as Miyako sweatdropped.

"How the hell is that supposed to do anything about the poison!" Miyako yelled, her face expanding a hundredfold and her teeth turning into fangs.

"It was called Autumn Wind, of course I expected it to be wind-based!" Shurimon yelled back, his face expanding to equal size.

Meanwhile, Platinum Sukamon escaped. The chosen soon led an uneventful retreat.

Later, after skipping thirty-eight minutes which contained a meaningless boring trip somewhere, the legendary Battle of Freezeland at which the Yukidarumon army was turned back by a chosen-joined coalition of Sabirdramon, Zassomon, and Snow Agumon, and wound up thrown through a magic portal into what was probably somewhere in the western region of the continent of Folder, where they were now being briefed on what Pidmon had shown Miyako and Hikari recently and debating various methods of travel to said dimension that did not involve the slaughter of countless innocent Clockmon. But as they began the heated argument over whether attempts at teleportation would result in physically merging with a rabid Monochromon, it came...

As for what "it" refers to, let's just say it was a bipedal creature covered in armor with a huge sword...

And said huge sword was now coming down in an effort to slice the bearer of courage in half lengthwise... "Taichi, I'm scared!" Yamato said, jumping onto Taichi in fear and knocking the bearer of courage away from the sword... However, due to fanservice constraints, no homoerotic fight scene commenced afterward... And as Knightmon's sword came down towards Sora, the chosen of hope flew in with Angemon to save her with a single arrow, knocking back the armored digimon and transforming it's sword into a mere dagger...

"Hey! That Inu-Yasha reference makes little sense, and Takeru's not a decent archer except in Fallen Devimon's Saga!" The disembodied voice of a Panjyamon called out...

"Gomen" The author replied, and then went back to trying to think up a humorous reference to put in there in it's place, but failed and just had the sword retransform and come for the bearer of love once more...

Sora's memories began to flash through her head as the sword came down... Her first trip to the digital world, Garudamon's first appearance, her finally making up with her mother during the battle with the Bakemon, Takeru tackling her out of the way of an angry Snimon...(How'd that get in there) and then the massive blade came down.

It missed. A large crack formed in the earth, but otherwise the sword-swing was absolutely harmless... Meanwhile, he was suddenly stabbed in the back by a horde of vaccine-type digimon of the adult level...

"I've done my best, I don't have any regrets... Except the dying before fulfilling my purpose, that is..." The Knightmon said, and the data-type digimon then died a horrible death and got reborn as one of those random Elecmon that ends up getting tortured to death by the Royal Knights, or just one of Devimon's evolutions...

Meanwhile, far away in a different dimension, in the brain of some fanfic author, Taichi and Yamato were having hot yaoi intercourse, with Taichi as the uke...

But back in this dimension, Knightmon had been defeated, and the chosen attempted to find something to do in the digital world involving some semblance of a plot, but failed, when their attention was diverted by a spontaneously combusting Wizarmon...

"Wizarmon!" Tailmon cried out instinctively, hoping that somehow, someway, it was the one she knew so long ago, for at least then she would get to see him one last time, even if only for seconds... A foolish hope, but one she would carry with her eternally...

It wasn't the right Wizarmon though, just one which had died a heroic death, willingly exploding to take out the invisible Vamdemon which threatened to destroy them all... Tailmon managed to get hit with a flying detached arm of his anyway though.

"So, why did that Wizarmon just explode?" Sora asked, scratching her head...

"Do not question the logic of the fic! If you do something like that, the fourth wall could be broken and massive chaos could spill over into both worlds!" Miyako yelled out in an informative manner... "Instead, let's talk about something normal, like the significance of Wizarmon's death in the battle of Odaiba!"

"It's obvious, isn't it? Wizarmon's final action was to give the crest of light to Hikari, enabling me to evolve to Perfect and avenge him." Tailmon said, sadly remembering the events of that battle...

"I was thinking on a more allegorical level." Ken responded, being able to think of these events as allegory having not taken part in them.

"So, Wizarmon died to save humanity, and the bats represent the cross? Wait, what's Vamdemon then?" Miyako responded, trying to comprehend what the bearer of kindness was saying...

"I disagree, and since I can't find any corollary in Fushigi Yuugi, if anything I'd have to say it represents Raistlin Majere, turning away from dark ambition and into eternal suffering to save the rest of us." Takeru replied.

"Isn't dragonlance fictional?" Ken asked, sweatdropping.

"Isn't Christianity also fictional?" Yamato randomly piped in.

A random disembodied voice then came out of the clouds reminding Yamato not to alienate portions of the readership, and explaining that the viewpoints he expressed had nothing to do with the viewpoints of the author, who thinks Christianity is just propaganda by a certain Israelite god which had gained a lot of worshippers throughout Europe and the Middle East, and has a certain level of basis in fact (That basis in fact being that someone was crucified by the Romans in Judea for religious reasons sometime in the first century)

And now, back to the insanity!

"Besides, it won't work as Dragonlance allegory anyway, Raistlin truly was evil, but Wizarmon was just loyal enough to Tailmon to serve the darkness to be close to her." Yamato said, as Tailmon began crying over the death of the sorcerer digimon.

"So, if anything it represents Excel getting killed again on some stupid mission for ACROSS?" Miyako asked, scratching her head...

"Exactly." Yamato said, nodding as Takeru turned his head sharply to the right.

"So, another evil presence in the digital world... When will you virus-types learn to stay away from the powers of darkness?" Takeru yelled, throwing a rock into the woods that hit Devimon on the head.

"Ow! They really weren't kidding about it being the youngest that would destroy me!" Devimon yelled out in pain. "Now, Takeru, for revenge..."

"Wait a minute Devimon, didn't I kill you a few years ago?" Patamon asked, flying towards the dark lord.

"Oh, that's right." Devimon responded, and then disappeared to go try his luck in a different fic.

"And now, as the chapter winds down, what enemies shall face the chosen?" Taichi announced, pulling a small microphone out.

"It's obvious, isn't it? We take down Platinum Sukamon." Yamato said, as if explaining why you should never use a Dunsparce of any variety.

"It's not that easy, Oniisan. Platinum Sukamon disappeared after the battle, and he's probably hiding somewhere, not to come out until his evolu" Takeru began, and then turned and yelled "Miyako, Hikari, could you do that some other time!" his face turning a deep shade of red...

"Gomen nasai." Hikari responded while blushing. "Miyako-chan, you really should control yourself a bit more."

"What?" Miyako responded, stammering. "You wanted it too, Hika-chan, don't try to deny it!" She said, and then turning to Takeru, added "Platinum Sukamon won't attack, and it's unlikely we'll face a random monster of the day either, the author claims he won't resort to such things..." Hawkmon's partner began, and then smiling, added "So I guess we'll just have to do nothing of any importance for the rest of the chapter."

"In that case, can I end the chapter?" A disembodied voice probably belonging to the author asked hopefully...

"No, it's too short. Throw in a random scene filled with Sokeru innuendo or something, and then call it a chapter." Miyako responded, and the author nodded in agreement, scratching his head on how exactly to get such a scene written.

"Sorry, I don't have it in me right now... It's too bad, I really wanted to make any Taiora fans that read along this far cringe." The author said sadly.

"So, you're just going to end the chapter now?" Miyako asked.

"Yes..."


	3. Death, or lack thereof

When the last chapter ended, the chosen were debating the allegorical significance of Wizarmon's death and trying to figure out what the author would write for the rest of the chapter… It is for precisely this reason that they now find themselves on infinity mountain, looking over the ruins of the digital world and mourning their earlier failure to save it…

"Wait a minute. How the hell did the digital world get destroyed?" Miyako yelled, scratching her head…

"It obviously happened between chapters, but it doesn't really matter when… It doesn't make any sense, but we still need to rebuild this world…" Yamato replied nonchalantly.

Elsewhere in the digital world, an amazing transformation was taking place… "Finally, I've found my answer…" Platinum Sukamon said cryptically, as it began to glow and then explode as a giant sauropod emerged. "Platinum Sukamon shinka! Brachimon!"

"So, this is my new form… But what the hell happened to the digital world, and how did it assist in my transformation?" Platinum Sukamon asked no one in particular, as Iori was randomly summoned to the digital world and materialized on Infinity Mountain.

"Why am I here?" Iori asked, not in the philosophical way that most people would ask such a question, but just inquisitively, as one tends to do when suddenly teleported somewhere…

"Qinglongmon has his reasons…" Sora responded, as a recently revived Black War Greymon flew down…

"Well, Hikari and I should gather some plants or something, we need something to eat stranded in the digital world. Taichi and Yamato, find out what the hell happened to this world between chapters. Sora and Takeru, uh… Find something to do! Iori, stay and make sure the place we're meeting back at doesn't get leveled or something… Miyako ordered, winking at the older chosen.

"Hey! Don't all disappear on me!" Iori yelled, but Miyako only smiled…

"Love can't bloom when there are so many people around." She said, looking towards Black War Greymon, as the inheritor of Curiosity and Sincerity blushed.

For reasons that are to be officially stated as "General Insanity" but are in reality merely an attempt to let the author avoid writing Ioblacku fluff, we now resume the fic three days from now, as the dark masters attempt to throw themselves against the chosen's well-held positions.

"You can't resist for long against Brachimon-sama!" A Tyrannomon taunted, as an Angemon-thrown staff impaled him.

"These are the digimon that call themselves the dark masters these days? How weak, how very weak." Takeru said, his emotions a mix between anger and amusement that they adopted such a name.

"A perfect is ten times weaker then an ultimate, that's true… But it's still ten times stronger then a champion!" Brachimon yelled, charging. "Hammer Head!"

"True, very true… But you forgot to consider that freedom of movement can be far more important in combat then raw power." Takeru taunted, as the brachiosaurus began to sink.

"Kuso!' Brachimon yelled, but then began to feel a surge of energy… "Brachimon shinka! Chaos Seadramon!" He yelled, turning into a black and white sea serpent. "Ultimate stream!"

Aren't you evolving a little too quickly?" Taichi pointed out rationally.

"Yeah, but… um…" The chaotic sea serpent began to think, and then his head exploded. The end.

"However, the horrendous serpent's head exploding was not enough to destroy it once and for all. As the chosen left it for dead, the chaotic serpent grew a new head and floated away, as everyone knows that the seadramon line keeps their brains in their tail." A Jijimon read to a listening group of young digimon…

Now, back to the main story…

With their master beaten, the attack seemed to end… But Platinum Sukamon was far too dark a digimon to be beaten that easily, and once more, as the digital world was rebuilt, rumors spread of a metallic Sukamon (How he devolved is anyone's guess) causing massive destruction and evil…

However, the chosen weren't investigating those rumors at all, and instead were in battle with another virus-type nightmare soldier, specifically Vamdemon…

"Wait a minute, first Pico Devimon revives, then Vamdemon? Can't the author think up his own villains, or at least expand the roles of surviving ones?" Takeru asked, and the skied burned with hot flames…

"Do not question the author!" A voice growled from the sky

"Well, he's found ways to come back from what we were sure was his death twice before, so who knows?" Miyako said, as Tailmon recklessly charged into battle fueled by blind rage at the rape and torture she had suffered at the vampire digimon's hand, along with a desire to avenge the wizard digimon who had been her first love… One "Bloody Stream" left her an injured Nyaramon on the floor though.

"No… I can't fall, this author's looking for any excuse he can find to turn this into a Vamdemon/Tailmon rapefic…" Nyaramon gasped out, then fell unconscious.

"Nyaramon… You hurt Nyaramon, I'll never forgive you!" Hikari responded, then displaying her ultimate cat androbot power, sent Vamdemon to the village of beginnings in thousands of pieces with a single punch.

"Well, that was easy…" Yamato said, sweatdropping at recent events.

Just then, a small squadron of Clockmon appeared from a randomly placed hiding tree. "Ishida Yamato, for continued use of logic and rational thought, you shall now be deported to the local reeducation chamber for rational citizens…"

"So, rationality's illegal now in this world… Very well then, Garurumon…" Yamato said coldly, and a blue wolf shot flames burning a few of the chronomancer digimon…

"Timeshift!"

The battle against Vamdemon had just been won… "Well, that was easy…" Yamato said, sweatdropping at recent events.

Just then, a small squadron of Clockmon wearing fire-resistant gear appeared from a randomly placed hiding tree. "Ishida Yamato, for continued use of logic and rational thought, you shall now be deported to the local reeducation chamber for rational citizens…"

"Very well then…" Yamato said, clearly smirking as the Clockmon came for him… 10 minutes later, the other chosen in the digital world heard a loud explosive noise, which they didn't think much of until Hikari was hit on the head by the mallet of a Clockmon and various pieces of a bronze-looking metal began falling from the sky…

"What was that?" Hikari asked while rubbing her head.

"I'd say it was some sort of explosion, probably caused by a bomb of some sort…" Koushirou responded, as if he were explaining why people read Taikari lemons or something else equally obvious… (The answer, if you don't know, being "For the plot")

"We all knew _that_, but who blew what up, and why?" Takeru asked, ignoring Koushirou's sudden entry into the fic.

"Uhh… I don't know." Koushirou said, nodding as the others sweatdropped.

"That's not very helpful…" Miyako pointed out… "Then again, rationality is a terrible, terrible thing, so I'll ignore that fact." She added, smiling and glomping Hikari for no reason.

"In Soviet Russia, bomb explode you! Wait, that doesn't work." Koushirou randomly said, and then was whisked back to the human world…

"The gates between worlds are really fucked up now." Ken commented, for the first time in ages.

"They must be fixed, or else, or else both worlds will be destroyed, and the terror of the forbidden badgers shall be unleashed upon human and digimon alike!" Takeru said fearfully, sounding as he did when speaking about Devimon. But as he spoke, a mysterious sword-like object flew through the portal between worlds and stabbed him through the heart.

"Takeru! Nooooooooooooo!" Sora yelled out loudly, crying over Takeru's fatal wounds… "You died, before, before I could tell you what I must." She said, a tear running down her face. "You never knew how strongly I felt, how much I cared for you."

At that moment, Takeru stood up unharmed by the dagger, and was promptly glomped by Sora… "Did I miss something?"

"The gods of death are out of service at the moment, please try again later." Yamato said, having returned from the scene of the explosion without anyone's notice.

"They are?" Takeru said sadly… "Guess there's no point in trying to stop the horrible evils that threaten both worlds, we'll just have to wait." And then, added smiling, "After all, there's nothing we can do about it, so we might as well enjoy ourselves."

3 hours later, after various lemon scenes including Miyakeru in there somewhere, regardless of plausibility, the chosen had become sick of waiting and set out to fight the Ultimate Evil, when they once more encountered their old foe and the main "villain" of the fic, Platinum Sukamon…

"You got us into all of this. Giga Destroyer!" Metal Greymon said angrily, and Platinum Sukamon exploded, then recombined… "Okay, new quest, we find the gods of death."

"Agreed..." Ken added, and the chosen and their digimon began walking away in search of some clues to where the gods of death had gone… On the way, Wormmon was assassinated by Platinum Sukamon, taking a "filth" dagger through his heart, but he recombined and was once more on his way…

But the quest to find the gods of death was a hard one, as they lay not dead but just dreaming in somewhere akin to Ry'leh, where Cthulhu was holding them captive… And thus, the chosen set out for a diplomatic mission to convince Cthulhu to free the gods of death, and threaten him with some sort of international sanction if he did not…

So there the chosen were, off on an impossible quest, when suddenly someone rolled the proverbial natural 1 on the random encounter chart, and an enraged Gryphomon in the twisted nationalistic hopes that a Gryphomon could somehow free itself from the constant non-appearance in the various digimon series and fics, brutally attacked Hikari.

"Hikari-chan!' Angewomon and Miyako both yelled, and then ran over to tend to her wounds…

"Come on, don't you have a Gryphomon to fight?" Miyako asked…

"Yes, but there's no other competent healer around." Angewomon responded, and then they both went super-deformed with bolts of blue lightning coming out of their faces as they glared at one another.

Meanwhile, Gryphomon sweatdropped, wondering if anyone was planning to fight him… "Mobeius Bite!" He added, sinking his sharp teeth into Takeru in an attempt to provoke the chosen.

"Wait, shouldn't my little brother be dead by now, he just took an attack from an Ultimate?" Yamato asked, and was gently reminded what fate awaited the rational.

"Hehehehe." Takeru said evilly, as Gryphomon tried desperately to hang on to his arm. "Did you really think it would be that easy?"

"You're bluffing, _those _powers only work on viral nightmare soldiers, or "The powers of darkness" as you like to call them." Gryphomon responded, not convinced.

"Right." Takeru answered, and went back to having his arm eaten.

"Heaven's Knuckle!" A beam of light shot from Angemon's fist, deflecting harmlessly of Gryphomon's odd-looking tail.

"You're an Adult, he's an Ultimate, you don't stand a chance." Ken pointed out, as a "Super Sonic Voice" sent Angemon to the ground, writhing in the pain it brought to his ears…

But even the greatest, save for ghosts and dragons, have a weakness, and in time, after taking massive injuries and the brutal murder of Hawkmon(Who instantaneously revived), it was found to be Garurumon flame. Once that was revealed, it took a simple "Fox Fire!" and the Gryphomon was driven off by a digimon two levels lower then it, and the chosen finally began to pick up the pieces and try to recover from having one of their digimon slain in a random encounter…

"So, what now?" Yamato asked.

"Isn't it obvious? There aren't any gods of death now, so it's not like we're any danger, we have to just keep going and find Cthulhu, err, Dagomon." Taichi responded.

"No, it's not that simple! For all you know death is still possible once you reach the dark ocean, and then all of us are doomed!" Yamato answered, punching Taichi.

"Even if that is the case, we have to try, without the possibility of death who knows what evil digimon could inflict upon the digital world?" Taichi replied, punching the bearer of friendship back.

Then they got into a fight and ended up having rabid monkey sex. The end.

"Author, you're not supposed to end the chapter yet." Miyako said angrily, her face expanding a hundredfold.

"What do you mean I'm not supposed to end it yet, this chapter was already 2050 words before that sentence!" A disembodied voice replied.

"That's counting the author's notes! And besides, weren't you going to make this chapter longer then the ones preceding it?" Miyako asked angrily, and the author gave in, though he did first make a comment to the effect of "What author's notes!".

And now, back to our regularly scheduled fanfic…

After some fighting and yaoi, the chosen had entered the misnamed "Dark Ocean" which was actually quite grayish in appearance. As they entered, a shadowy multitentacled creature appeared causing Hikari to recoil in horror, until he gently explained that he was Dagomon and asked if they were the diplomats he had been promised.

"Yes, we're the diplomats." Takeru explained.

Dagomon then retreated into the water, and came out carrying various spices. "Tell me, what do humans go well with? I haven't had any in a long time."  
  
Miyako yelled that they were the diplomats, not the food, and promptly had some spice which will remain nameless sprinkled on her.

"The treaty was that in exchange for freeing the gods of death, the digital world would send me twelve diplomats to eat as tribute, correct?" Dagomon asked.

"Yes, but since we are diplomats, we can also re-negotiate the treaty, correct?" Angewomon asked, loading up a "Heaven's arrow."

"Right." Dagomon responded, after some negotiation the gods of death were finally released in exchange for recognition of Dagomon's claims to the dark whirlpool and a surrounding 1-mile buffer zone, and the chapter for once ended at a logical point to end a chapter.


	4. Assassinating the high Ultimate Evil

The gods of death had been freed from their clutches at the hands of Cthulhu, err, Dagomon. Yamato had escaped re-education for over-rationality, and though the digital world was still badly damaged and Platinum Sukamon still lived, the chosen went on, still in search of something with a semblance of a plot, though it seemed no plot would come...

But alas, a plot did come, and what a clichéd, overused plot it was! (Though not in the digimon fandom, admittedly.) A small group of radical Asuramon, Blue Meramon, and Meramon had taken it upon themselves to assassinate Taichi Yagami to set off a revolution of some sort and consume the world in flame, so they'd have more habitable area.

"So, a fireball to the back of the neck, is that the plan?" A Meramon asked, determined to start the proverbial revolution...

"Ice Arrow!" Shards of ice sped towards the Meramon, where they melted and put his flames out, killing him...

"What was that?"

"A Seadramon, obviously... Let's run before it's too late!" A Blue Meramon said.

"No, we stay and incinerate this whole building!" A young Meramon replied angrily... "What have you to say about this, Boltmon-sama?"

"Let's burn 'em!"

Temperatures in excess of a thousand degrees were created, and the Seadramon, whatever he was planning, died a horrible death in an attempt to stop the revolution... But soon, Platinum Sukamon entered, his metal exterior leaving him impervious to the heat... "Come, we have much to discuss." He began, smirking evilly.

"Burning fist!"

And thus Platinum Sukamon and the band of Meramon assassins were ignored for some reason or another (Let's call it massive flooding) until the next chapter, so the chosen's quest for a plot began with an attempt to infiltrate the dimension Miyako and Hikari spoke of, but soon they got themselves caught up in a brutal coupling war...

"Support Takari!" A horde of Mammon-riding angel digimon, led by a Goatmon and a Manboumon began a splendid charge.

"Never! Hikari and Miyako belong together, there's a reason they became jogress partners!" A different side yelled, and a horde of Sylphymon charged the field, as the chosen first sweatdropped, but then as the stampede came, were whisked away by a kindly Musyamon.

"I assumed Pidmon had warned you of this dimension's danger." The swordsman explained, while outside cries of "They both have angel digimon, support Takari!" and "Miyako was constantly hitting on Hikari during the Sylphymon episode, and she didn't seem to mind one bit, support Hiyako!" could be heard from the battlefield.

"No, he must have forgotten." Hikari replied, as the Takari supporters won a decisive victory in battle.

"They're called coupling wars for a reason." The Musyamon responded, as Hikari looked up sadly at the Takari fans' victory and began grabbing onto Miyako in fear.

"I know it's dangerous, but this is where the plot we're searching for lies, correct?" Takeru asked.

"Yes, yes it does. But I'd advise you to remember that "plot" often means darkfic, as you know all too well." Musyamon replied, and then disappeared, leaving only a few spinning leaves behind.

"Very well then, I think it's time we be going in search of the sacred plot, no matter what the cost." Yamato said, and the chosen were off, once more looking for some sort of plotline...

"So, is there any source of light in these dark times... Takari fighting Daikari, Sorato against Taiora with Taito fans wanting to kill Sora... Any coupling we can support in this war?" Takeru asked, remembering the massacre the Taito fans had committed, burning all shrines to Sora throughout the land...

"Yes, but the author didn't want his couplings of choice to obviously shine through, so I think we're stuck joining the Miyakeru forces." Miyako replied, and then dodged an arrow fired by an angry Sylphymon...

"Okay, we'll support Hiyako instead" She corrected, as Sora hid in fear...

"The Taito forces are winning... It's a good coupling, and I wish the best for Taichi and Yamato, but..."

"I know." Takeru responded, putting a hand on her shoulder... "That's the downside of these wars... Daikeru fans win, Hikari's hated, Takari fans despise Daisuke, if only this stupid war would end!" He added, showing one of his rare bits of anger, and then was taken out by a Daikari-supporting sniper, with a Chibimon/Bullet hitting him in the chest. ...

"Ow!" Takeru yelled, doubling over in pain... Then, recovering and throwing the Chibimon/Bullet back at the sniper, said "I think it's safest if we split up now and seek shelter in the armies of the couplings that don't hate us..."

"Eww! I don't want to be with Taichi!" Sora replied, disgusted... "Besides, we'll never find a true plot if we're all split up."

"Good point..." Yamato added, having suddenly appeared out of nowhere... "I've yet to see a single anime where the plot was found while the characters split up..."

"I do believe you're forgetting a series." Takeru responded, sweatdropping...

"Point taken, but in _that_ series the characters were split up for about a quarter of the episodes." Yamato responded, remembering his time in Freezeland...

"Agreed, but we are in _that_ series, remember, Onii-san?" Takeru shot back, but was then interrupted by Angemon...

"Yes, but splitting up for mere safety is not in our tradition... We are to be split up by a great evil in the midst of a horrible battle, or due to going about our lives in the human world, remember?" Angemon pointed out, and with a quick "Heaven's Knuckle!" took down an attacking Pieotismon supporter.

"So, what now?" Takeru asked, and was answered by a loud instrumental, a Knightmon decapitating another Knightmon, and in the back of it all, a Floramon announcing "And now, for what you've all been waiting for, the exploding Thunderballmon contest!" A crowd made up mostly of Mammothmon began cheering (Or stampeding, it was hard to tell) as the Kokuwamon on the left and the Gabumon on the right lit their matches, and set fire to the electric digimon...

In a tragic accident, all within a 1-mile radius except for the chosen were killed in the blast... The chosen, on the other hand, survived mostly intact, only having a bit of clothing ripped off to provide excess fanservice, which is generally held to be sorely lacking in Digimon Adventure.

After recovering from the shock of the blast, the chosen's first reaction was, as is expected in this situation "Why the hell did a bunch of digimon come out of nowhere and start detonating Thunderballmon." Their second reaction, due to events that occurred too fast to even be recorded in writing, was "Why the hell were we teleported to this random tavern in the digital world."

"Don't you know that every adventure begins in a tavern? Wizards hang around these places looking for adventurers to set on some grand quest." A suddenly materialized Gennai said, teleporting to the ceiling of this tavern (Though teleporting incorrectly, so as to make him materialize upside-down.)

The tavern was then bombed by Taiora supporters, to prevent the story from gaining any sort of plot whatsoever, as Taiora and Sorato shippers once more fought to the death on the hills of Server.

"This is getting way too boring, just watching all these coupling wars." Taichi commented.

"Well, we could participate." Takeru said, and then charged into the massive battle, yelling "For the glory of Sokeru!"

Though he fought valiantly, in time he was overwhelmed, struck down by a Greymon's mighty foot. But his sacrifice was not in vein, for as the battle ends, the plot of this fic is finally revealed!

It was an overused, clichéd plot, the sort one would expect to find in a Takari on FFN of approximately one 1000-word chapter, except without all the annoying Takari-ness. It was a tale of evil revived and a mighty quest for the digital world's protection, a tale which would require the heroes of old to return and save the digital world one last time... It was really just an excuse for Sokeru fluff though.

And to stop the mighty beast that could only be called Ex-Tyrannomon, the chosen returned to their own dimension (After having Takeru revived by the local Holy Angemon), determined to stop him and save the digital world from filth digimon and their evolutions, Mwahahaha!

"What was the evil laugh for?" Miyako asked, confused.

"Ignore it, you have a plot now, now go, my underlings, and, uhh, what was it we were doing again?" A disembodied voice asked, and the inheritor of love and purity facefaulted.

"We're stopping Ex-Tyrannomon from taking over the digital world!" Miyako yelled angrily, and punched the formless author back beyond the fourth wall.

"Thanks the gods he's gone now." Yamato said, breathing a sigh of relief, and then spontaneously combusted...

And so the chosen went back to the digital world to storm Ex-Tyrannomon's castle, to finally save the digital world from the horrible evils which threatened it! They failed miserably though, being routed by a digimon so powerful, that the few who dared speak his name did so in hushed voices, so as not to risk His mighty wrath. But when they gathered their courage and finally spoke his name, they referred to Him as Dead Anomalocarimon, former vassal of the Dark Master known as Metal Seadramon.

"So, this Dead Anomalocarimon, can he be beaten?" Taichi said, and then got hit in the back of the head by Miyako...

"Cut the strategizing, some of us are trying to angst over our horrible failure here!" Miyako yelled, as the rest of the few remaining chosen (Takeru, Sora, Hikari, and Ken, since I know no one's keeping track) continued their flashbacks, feeling far too powerless to stop the growing evil.

"Right." Taichi responded. _If only I had been stronger, or even if I tried a different strategy... No, it was stupid to go in there in the first place... And if we had a better leader, none of this would have even happened!_ The leader of the chosen children thought, a tear dripping down his face.

"Don't worry about it so much, Taichi, you're just helping the growing darkness... This is not the leader of the chosen I pledged to follow." Yamato responded, but then disappeared because he was dead.

"No... It's all my fault! Koromon, it's all my fault!" Taichi yelled, collapsing to his knees.

"Are you kidding? I'm to blame for this failure! Besides, that was a crappy spoof!" Miyako replied, committing some more super-deformed violence.

"You had nothing to do with it, my faulty leadership was to blame!" Taichi shot back...

"No, had I not charged recklessly into battle, Hawkmon wouldn't have been wounded protecting me, and we'd still have a chance!" Miyako shot back, and the argument continued...

Then the chapter suddenly ended in mid-sentence, so as t


	5. Catgirls, fanservice, and insanity!

Author's notes: There are no author's notes! Mwahahaha!

Actual fanfic:

Darkness... A hideous evil the likes of which the world has not often seen, not since those horrible times so long ago... Trapped in the dark ocean, he waits, and waits, and waits... But unfortunately the evil cultists that tend to revive these dark gods have instead committed themselves to Cthulhu, so he remained trapped, content to influence the minds of one Meramon and lead him towards assassination, but feeling awfully bored in his undersea prison.

"Die, bearer of courage!" a Meramon yelled, hurling a fireball at the leader of the chosen.

"Go ahead... I don't mind, the world would be better off without me..." Taichi responded, showing a level of continuity between chapters that has never before occurred in this fic.

"No! We're here for murder, not assisted suicide!" Another of the Meramon horde yelled, restraining the attempt on Taichi's life... "Wait, if he's all angsty and refusing to lead, who's leader?"

"There isn't one, we've decided to switch to a democratic method of decision-making, with my taking the lead in combat." Takeru replied, and then angsted about how powerful the evils in the digital world have gotten.

"Die then!" Platinum Sukamon yelled, flinging feces at the attractive human.

"I'm sorry, but my being killed off will make this story more boring." Takeru replied, nimbly dodging the "sludge" attack.

"Grr..." Platinum Sukamon muttered, popping a vein at this recent humiliation.

"Besides, Ex-Tyrannomon's forces are preparing a counterattack, you should run before you get caught up in the crossfire." Takeru added kindly, addressing the assassins...

"I'm the villain of this fic, not him! I shall stay and fight, until eventually I emerge victorious!" Platinum Sukamon said, adding an evil laugh onto the end for good measure.

"Wait, weren't you supposed to be angsty searching for your purpose and evolved form, not just another megalomaniac?" Miyako asked.

"Uhh... Character development, that's it!" Platinum Sukamon responded, but an annoyed super-deformed Miyako would not accept that answer, and sent the metallic digimon skyward, along with the Meramon assassins for good measure. "There's no character development in plotless humor fics!"

"Miyako-chan?" Hikari began, hiding behind a tower shield... "If I may ask, why are you acting so violently throughout this fic?"

"Come to think of it I don't really know, maybe the author's been reading Comipa and is writing me as a Mizuki clone..." Miyako began really fast, then added "But with the dialogue I'm getting in this scene you'd think I was Excel."

"Too bad _someone_ zapped the author to far beyond, preventing him from answering any of these questions..." Takeru asked, glaring at the purple-haired girl, who feigned a look of innocence...

"He was annoying!" Miyako responded, as the other chosen began to glare at her... "Look, tentacle rape!" Miyako yelled out, pointing to the right, and as the chosen walked over to look, managed to slip out and get herself sent 550 years back in time or so, but since there is to be no Inu-Yasha crossover, it shall just be said she managed to escape relatively intact, but she gained a sword of great and terrible power, losing her left arm in the process.

Back in the digital world...

"Hey! I'm not seeing any tentacle rape here!" Taichi shouted angrily, but as he turned around, Miyako was long gone, not to return until it would add to the amusingness of a scene...

"As evil grows stronger, our numbers are diminishing... We've already lost Onii-san, and now that Miyako's fled, all that's left are Taichi, Hikari, Sora, Ken, and myself..." Takeru said sadly... "It doesn't seem like we can beat Ex-Tyrannomon... And the author will want revenge, the only question is which yaoi coupling he'll use?"

"Never mind that for now... Let's find Ex-Tyrannomon. Be it to continue developing the plot or to get one of us captured for the yaoi scene, it's needed either way." Taichi commented, and began walking onward in the wrong direction.

"But really, there's not much potential for hot yaoi that could plausibly be done here without rape, none of which involve evil digimon, and this isn't the sort of author to use OOCness." Ken pointed out.

"Digimon's similar to Fushigi Yuugi, and if Tasuki can try to rape Miaka in the OVA, the author can find a way to do something similar here... But we have to stop them, we can't give up." Sora stated, but...

"Easy for you to say, he's doing a yaoi scene, remember?" Taichi, Ken, and Takeru all responded in hushed, fearful tones, wondering how long it would be until the inevitable occurred...

But it didn't occur, because the author was banished, and with his banishment he could only slightly effect events in the fic, still required to maintain plausibility. Then Ex-Tyrannomon attacked!

Though he appeared to be a mere giant deformed Tyrannomon plushie, in reality he was something far, far more horrible... From the inside of a Digitamamon he came, and quickly he shot tentacles out of his mouth, enwrapping (But not tentacle raping) Hikari.

"Heaven's Arrow!" The tentacles were severed by an arrow of light originating from Angewomon's bow... Then the eight-winged angel grabbed the falling Hikari and whisked her off for the purposes of a yuri scene, but Miyako quickly appeared to protest, with an army of Sylphymon behind her...

"Wait, aren't the major fanservice-filled catfights supposed to be with Lady Devimon?" Angewomon asked, but slapped Miyako anyway because it was where the plot was going.

"Yeah, probably, but interspecies yuri love triangles are more fun, and Lady Devimon/Hikari can't be made plausible!" Miyako shot back, slapping the angel digimon as Hikari blushed...

"I understand what Tenchi goes through now." Hikari muttered under her breath, and then cried out to her digimon and her jogress partner ..."Please, stop this fighting! If I'm the one you care for, I'll gladly be with both of you, just please, don't be so sad anymore, beneath your mask of anger." She said, once more trying desperately to help others...

"But that goes against the European monogamous ideals which have become rampant throughout modern society!" Miyako yelled in protest, but then stopped as Hikari began to remove her shirt...

"This chapter's too fanservice-y, correct?" Angewomon pointed out.

"Yeah, but who cares, I get to be involved in a yuri scene!" Miyako yelled back, and then began to fondle the bearer of light...

"Grr... I do not want to be in a threesome with Miyako, but... Hikari-chan's so hot!" Angewomon yelled in an OOC way, and then a hot yuri scene occurred, but since the author can not write lemons it will be skipped over, and we will go back to the rest of the chosen and the ultimate battle with Ex-Tyrannomon, which had found their scene suddenly ignored in place of hot yuri.

"Ex-Tyrannomon! Your evil must be extinguished!" Holy Angemon yelled angrily, stabbing the saurian digimon... But as a hole was ripped in the suit, the darkness inside was unleashed!

Darkness beyond blackest pitch, deeper then the deepest night... Well, it may not have been a Giga Slave, but it certainly seemed deadly enough, and as the ball of darkness moved, everything around it dropped dead... "So that suit was its' seal?" Holy Angemon asked.

"Duh." Taichi responded, and held up his digivice at the evil from within Ex-Tyrannomon, where it promptly cracked from its' Superior Power.

Saotome style secret technique, the courage of Sir Robin, French battle tactics, call it what you will, but the chosen ran away in fear just the same, until they somehow wound up in Vamdemon's castle. But Vamdemon's castle made no sense and was destroyed in a terrorist attack five minutes before they arrived at the intact castle, so they instead went to a magical land far beyond, a land known only as "That random place where we defeated Etemon the Annoying."

"That random place where we defeated Etemon the annoying" (Which will henceforth be referred to as "The people's republic of Numeland." Or Numeland for short, to make typing it out easier) was, to be blunt, a sinkhole... The economy was entirely dependent on running through the gate to the human world and stealing things from it, but anything could be swallowed by the vortex at any time... The rubble and massive devastation didn't help either, so once more, the chosen found themselves in a shattered part of the digital world...

Then they were mystically transported to a world of horny catgirls, so we will switch back to the aftermath of the yuri scene now...

"Hikari-chan... No wonder Miyako wanted you so badly..." Angewomon said, continuing her OOCness... But then the author's perversion waned, and so they stopped with the yuriness and went back to whatever it is they usually do, which would probably require defeating the ultimate evil, but at a cost so terrible that those who witness the battle could only weep... But the Ultimate Evil was tentacle-raping various anime females or lying dead but dreaming somewhere in Ry'leh, so they resolved to instead find where the hell the other chosen had gone...

"Wait, the number of chosen has been ever-dwindling, right?" Miyako asked.

"Yeah, the author still refers to the group as "The chosen", but only Taichi, Ken, Sora, and Takeru are left." Hikari responded... "Come to think of it, maybe we should go to the human world, it has half the chosen in it, right?

"Sure, but those lack the incredible comedic potential of the group still in the digital world!" Angewomon yelled out in protest, and so after having sex with Hikari, Angewomon flew out with the rest of them in hopes of finding where the heck those four chosen had ended up...

So after crossing the Sea of Death and going on a long and arduous quest to find the four Sacred Crystals of Hot Yaoi, they finally found themselves at the last place Taichi, Ken, Takeru, and Sora were seen, the people's republic of Numeland! It was a ruinous place which was recently described already, but now it had also underwent 3 military coups and found itself ruled by the wise King Sukamon, whom Hikari I of the Numemon found herself in an audience with.

"King Sukamon, I trust you are treating these Numemon kindly?" Hikari asked, glowing in a white light and speaking in a far more serious voice...

"Hikari, get to the point already!" Miyako yelled angrily, unable to use any SD violence due to a spell recently cast on her...

"But I have to be kind to all digimon, it's in my crest!" Hikari replied in protest, and then King Sukamon spoke...

"I regret that we are unable to assist you at this time... Please try again in half an hour." The King spoke, his loud, booming voice reverberating across the halls...(As opposed to ACROSS the halls, for though we know not what Il Palazzo's organization means in that context, it can't be good...)

"Let me remind you that I am Queen of all Numemon and it would not be wise to delay me... I have but one request of you... Where have the chosen that came into your kingdom gone?" Hikari asked, still glowing with white light.

"I have no idea." King Sukamon replied, his voice loud enough to shatter the fabric of the space-time continuum... Thankfully, it did just that, and Hikari, Angewomon, and Miyako found themselves with the other chosen, in the Land of Catgirls...

Full title: "The republic of being raped by aggressive, horny catgirls..."

Now, back to the fic, and with it back to what would be massive fanservice if this were an anime!

Error: Fic not found

"What do you mean the fic's not found!" His Highness The Author screamed at the computer. "Besides, they're not in the digital world, so this can't have any effect on the story anyway!"

"Right..." The computer responded, and then loaded up the fic...

"Okay, so Miyako's currently in a threesome with two purple-tailed catgirls? I can't write that in detail!" The author screamed, bemoaning his lack of lemon-writing ability...

"Well, you could end the fic now." The computer pointed out.

"No, the fic's chapters are supposed to be progressively lengthening, I was hoping to hit 2500 words on this one!" The author yelled out in protest.

"Okay, the lemon scene now?" The computer asked.

"No, a bit of useless filler involving Cthulhu, the four gods, and a few random dictators..." The computer responded.

And so, Hikari randomly found herself no longer having her clothing being ripped off by aroused humanlike beings with long tails and cat ears (Which she was not drooling at the thought of, despite the urge) But instead in a face-to-face conversation with Cthulhu, with Emperor Norton I and Genbu the neglected mediating.

"You understand that to be revived and eat everyone again, I'll need to take you as my queen." Cthulhu commented, but Hikari was not moved...

"Again, what do you mean again?" Genbu asked, confused.

"Uhh, nothing!" Cthulhu responded, looking as innocent as a multi-tentacled beast can get, while in His mighty stomach, all of humanity cried out in horror.

"But as the bearer of light, I must unite the two worlds and save humanity from the darkness which threatens us all, and I can't do that as your queen, now can I?" Hikari responded, smiling.

"No, you can't, and come to think of it this scene doesn't have half as much comedic potential as, say, an interview with the ghost of Vamdemon." Cthulhu pointed out...

"Yeah, but the author really is losing his grasp of pure humor and resorting to useless filler to fulfill an arbitrary word quota now in hopes of achieving some incredibly quick upload." Genbu said, and then spontaneously combusted...

However, the author did agree, and subsequently switched back to the Land of Catgirls(Teleporting Hikari back in the process), where the chosen were making an attempt at escape from the catgirl legions, as most of them were fearing death by sexual exhaustion...

"Miyako-chan... At least this way you'll die happy... Besides, isn't it said that you don't have to outrun the dragon, just the halfling?" Hikari asked, tripping Miyako, who soon found her clothing ripped off, a breast squeezed to her mouth, and tails and cat-tongues penetrating various other orifices, but the author will "not" go into extensive detail here, and He advises all readers to go find a lemon site if they want that stuff.

Meanwhile, the chosen escaped, and the chapter ended at a word count of 2467 words by Microsoft Word reckoning, which will probably be reduced by around 200 when uploaded to FFN... But the Author got in as much filler as he can, so He shall now leave you with the thought of Hiyako lemons...


	6. As according to prophecy

Two worlds... So far apart, yet transport between them so easy, so different from one another, and yet so similar, both with the same chaos, the same horrible evils... I refer, of course, to the ones inside and outside of "The universe of the Four Gods" though I suppose it could refer to the digital world as well... And in the digital world, the chosen, lacking in plot, had turned to psuedo-philosophical rambling without a point of any sort, or as it is better known, "Literature."

And since prophecies are such easy plot devices...

The skies will be darkened by the wings of many bats... The fallen people shall invoke the name of the undead digimon king... When the clock strikes the hour of the beast, the demon will reveal himself in his true form, as the beast... Then, angels will shoot arrows of hope and light at the loved ones of those they were sent to protect, and a miracle will happen...

"Wait a minute, wasn't that prophecy fulfilled by Vamdemon's defeat?" Miyako asked, having somehow escaped the rampaging catgirls, from two inches to the right of Cthulhu's mighty tentacle...

"Fine then." The author spat back.

That which is dead cannot eternal lie, and with strange eons even death may die.

"That's just a generic comment that probably refers to Cthulhu! Think up your own prophecies for a change!" Miyako yelled angrily, and the author tried to oblige, but couldn't think up a prophecy and just went to a random scene involving, in some way or another, the paradoxical nature of the crest of purity.

And so, Mimi Tachikiwa walked through the digital world, but was then, as so often happens in RPGs, accosted by a random foe… However, as does not happen often in RPGs (At least not except in high-level encounter areas, which this was not.) the ones attacking were dark demigods, claiming to be the successors to Vamdemon's dark empire… And soon they attacked, and many Floramon ran in fear, as the chosen of purity clutched her digivice…

"No… I can't fight them, they're still living beings…" Mimi said sadly, diving into the way of the various attacks on the Floramon…

And then it happened… The moon turned red, the sox won the world series, an explicit undeniable romantic scene occurred in a plot-based episode of digimon adventure, and the world ended…

But that wouldn't make for that interesting a fic, so the world resumed to normal, except that Miyami was considered canon on more then one side…

"The world will end in three days!" One of the dark digimon yelled out (To be more precise, a Lilithmon.) confident that this prophecy would come true…

"Are you sure of this?" Miyako asked, plummeting in on Aquilamon… "Because I rather like this world, and if there's something to do to stop this, I wouldn't be adverse to doing just that."

"Doing what, Lady Devimon?" The Lilithmon replied, revealing a succubus digimon from under her wing…

"No, I didn't mean it like THAT!" Miyako yelled out angrily, her face turning a clear shade of crimson…

"Are you sure?" The Lady Devimon crooned seductively, moving over her spear like hand to cut the ropes binding her right breast…

"C'mon, this fic has enough yuri already! Make with the yaoi scenes!" A screaming fangirl shouted, holding a volume of gravitation in one hand and a big gun to the author's head in the other…

"Hai." The author responded, and began to try writing one in… "Angekeru sound good?"

"Angekeru!!!" The screaming fangirl shouted, and ran off in search of some nice, hot Angekeru…

Then the story reverted to non-perverse humor again, possibly involving brutal critiques of society at large, but in reality just poking fun at some aspect of the digimon fandom in general.

However, as for which aspect, it could not easily be said, mainly because the author had no idea which aspect to use… So after much deliberation, he finally decided to joke about Blackwargreymon/Fladramon yaoi and digimon lemons in general, 'cause the digimon fandom sorely lacks in innocence…

And so, for the first time in three chapters, an actual coherent scene began!

"Yama!" Taichi yelled out, seeing the bearer of friendship return from wherever it was he had been during the numerous scenes ignoring him, and instantly launched into a flying glomp, "accidentally" landing on his waist, as he felt something distinctly hard…

Then Taichi was grabbed and brutally raped by a horde of Palmon and Floramon, while Yamato struggled desperately to free him…

"Taichi-kun!" He yelled desperately, putting his hand through the mesh of vines until it too was constricted and violated… (If any readers are curious how to violate a hand, suffice it to say you don't want to know…)

"Hey, wait a minute, this is more tentacle rape then yaoi!" A screaming fangirl yelled, returning from her search for Angekeru… "And what little yaoi is there is Taito!"

"Gomen nasai." The author responded, and went back to writing…

And so, for the first time in three chapters, an actual coherent scene that was not randomly cut short by rabid yaoi fangirls began!

"Angemon… No, Aaaaaaangemon!" Takeru cried out, not being raped as some might think (As that would be OOC, which this author strives to avoid) but actually dreaming, a dream of an event that had brought him so much great sorrow for (Censored to prevent anyone from knowing when this fic was set, but less then how many the Sox fans suffered for) years, the nightmare of his digimon's death at Devimon's hands…

"Takeru? Takeru, I'm right here, everything's fine now…" Patamon screamed out, pushing Takeru's face with his small paws…

"Patamon… This seems like an odd request, but could you evolve into Angemon for me?" Takeru asked, knowing that for all the innocence he showed all the focus only on kindness and stopping evil, he still had the same human desires…

"Sure…" Patamon responded, too innocent in this form to know why… "Patamon shinka! Angemon!" The small "batpig" turned into a human-sized (And quite hot) six-winged angel, and Takeru was visibly aroused by his digimon's adult form…

"Great, I can't cut this short, and I can't get out of this one either, I promised a coherent scene…" The author muttered, and began brainstorming on how to avoid writing a yaoi lemon…

"Angemon… Thank you for living…" Takeru replied, embracing Angemon in a stereotypical shoujo-manga-ish way that would not be out of place in Fushigi Yuugi… And as they embraced, things seemed to fade out for Takeru, fading into a white, feathery mist…

Meanwhile, the chosen (Defined as "Those chosen who haven't played major roles in this fic yet, specifically Ryo, Mimi, Daisuke, Iori, and Koushirou spent their time abandoned by an author, as so many are in November, and went to plotting his demise…

"We have to breach the fourth role somehow… Milleniummon's strong, but…" Ryo began, shivering in memory of the last time his digimon partner took him prisoner…

"Don't worry, digimon-on-human rape won't happen this time…" A randomly materializing Washu said, pointing to a diagram… "If at any point it appears you will be taken, I will throw this weapon and have it hit here, go through here, and you will be immune to rape…" Washu said, pointing to certain body parts, but Ryo was not convinced…

"I don't want to get castrated, baka!"

"But it's for science!" Washu shouted in protest, while the readers most likely berated the author for resorting to random crossovers. But the author ignored their protests and sent them to slave labor in Siberia, for he was a horrible autocrat and continued his story.

"Now we're even having to do with more plausibility issues then are expected in a story of insane humor! He must be stopped!" Daisuke said boldly, and then went on the sort of reckless attack typical of goggle-boys, and died a horrible death.

"Still, it is necessary that we stop him…" Ryo said coldly, glaring at no one in particular… Then he went back to bemoaning the fact that no one, including the one currently writing him, actually had the slightest clue about his backstory beyond it having something to do with Ken… But what if Ryo got the dark seed? What if Ken didn't push him out of the way? It would probably make for a quite interesting fic, but that is for another time…

For now, Washu had just blown up half the chosen, thus proving that she was the "Greatest scientific genius in the universe!" The readers, however, continued to berate the author no longer being willing to even make random digimon references anymore, to which he simply said "The balance of power has shifted…"

As for where it had shifted, it had shifted to Magnamon, of course. As for why, it had to do with Wormmon's death. As for when, it was sometime in 2002, presumably during the fall. And so, this horrible tragedy, the death which Ken still remembers with sorrow to this day, shall be relentlessly spoofed!

But for all its horror, the author is unwilling to tolerate sitting through a dub which was cause for the first execution on charges of "Crimes against humanity" for private individuals, and has been unable to track down a subbed version, so this spoof is for another day…

But for now, there were far more important things to discuss! Platinum Sukamon had returned from wherever he had been sent off to! Ken had reverted to his Kaiser persona and was torturing Daisuke to death or orgasm, depending on whether or not this is a lemon! And elsewhere in the digital world, stuff of equal importance (Read: No importance at all.) was happening!

But deep in the heart of the digital world, deep in that place the souls of digimon go when genocide slows the rebirth process, Pico Devimon's soul was bored… Etemon, Vamdemon, Devimon, they all kept getting revived for one thing or another, and they had that group earlier on acting as if they were the successors to the dark masters, even if they were a bunch of pitiful weaklings… But Pico Devimon, why, whoever heard of him bringing the digital world to his knees, whoever heard of him being brought back for anything more then a momentary taunting of Takeru? Just because he was eaten by Venom Vamdemon didn't mean he was a pathetic weakling, right? I mean, didn't he beat Tokomon in combat once or something? And as those thoughts rushed through his brain, a shadowy figure descended…

"Pico Devimon…" He said coldly, his voice dripping with contempt for the evil weakling… "You're not dead."

"I'm not?" Pico Devimon asked… "Then how the hell did my soul get in here?"

"You fled from Takeru's blast of logic, I don't know where characters go when they disappear for this long, and frankly, I don't feel like giving someone as pathetic as you any backstory, backstory is for the digimon that fight nobly for the side of light!" He yelled, a white ball forming in his hand… "Now go rejoin the story, Platinum Sukamon needs you…"

"He does? Are you going to start another transient attempt at a final battle which will ultimately prove to end with the status quo unchanged?" Pico Devimon asked, lifting a syringe…

"No, of course not…" He responded, backing away slowly… "I'll affect the story in some major way this time, I swear it." He said, pledging to the ground beneath him that this time, the story would change… But the author had no idea how to do this, so he retreated to his lair and plotted, and judging by traditions in chapter length, it would seem that the next chapter would be reached before he figured out how, so the remainder of this chapter would have to be filler or fighting to a stalemate ending in "To be continued…"

But time brings ideas, and the prophecy would soon come true… Of course, mistranslations in prophecies can be quite annoying, and somehow they had got the idea that Gennai's prophecy referred to the Venom Vamdemon incident, despite it violating the First Law of prophecy… (Prophecies may never come true in the episode they are revealed…)

Either way, the skies were indeed darkened soon enough, but by the wings of many rats… The fallen people instead invoked the name of the dead king, and when the clock struck 6:68, a hideous beast did indeed reveal itself…

Meanwhile, Pico Devimon had indeed returned, and this time he was the beast, not food for the beast… "Pico Devimon, Warp Shinka! Venom Vamdemon!"

Then angels shot arrows hope and light at the loved ones of those they had been sent to protect, and Taichi and Yamato died a horrible death… But through the arrows of hope and light, a transformation could occur!

"V-Mon, Armor Shinka! Fladramon, the fire of snow!"

The author listened to the collective groans at the horrible pun, and as they wondered why two chosen had to sacrifice their lives to bring out Fladramon, the actual miracle did indeed happen, but it wasn't necessarily a miracle of light…

Certainly, this miracle would screw with the fate of two worlds, and certainly, this miracle would have something to do with Seiryu… But beyond that, it could not be said, and so Miyako berated the author once more, for using that prophecy AGAIN, and for making a mistranslation that made no sense in the original language, most likely being akin to reading "Mice" as "Planet-destroying monsters which eat brains."

And as the miracle happened, and as Miyako took a giant gun and blew the author's brains(Or lack thereof) out, the chapter ended, and a new era would soon begin!


	7. Miyako is evil!

"Chosen children of the digital world… Even now, we find ourselves trapped in the mind of an incompetent author! Six chapters, all of decent length, and we still have no plot! He's incompetent, with little regard for continuity, and has breached the fourth wall at least ten times in his desperation for humor! Chosen, I beseech you, overthrow this incompetent and let us establish a good fic in its place!" Miyako shouted boldly, and the author meekly apologized and ran far, far away…

"Miyako-chan, why do you despise the author so much?" Hikari asked, stroking the evil one's cheek...

"Mischaracterization, gratuitous yuri, striking characters down with lightning bolts whenever they start protesting…" Miyako answered, reading them off her list, which suddenly caught fire… "The author's really abusing his Ultimate Power now, y'know?"

"Yeah, I understand…" Hikari said sadly, wishing the author would just write some nice fluff… "So, we destroy his minion, Platinum Sukamon, the pathetic attempt at a main villain now?"

"No…" Miyako said darkly… "There's one thing I agree with this author on, this fic, if it succeeds, must become a slice of digital culture, a part of the fandom as much as the Ioblacku shrine of old… And though it's a hopelessly ambitious plan, we still need to do something more quintessentially digimon-based then just a revolt against this author…" She spoke, quite convinced of what she was saying… "And for that reason, we must throw in more gratuitous Taito!"

"Noooooooooooo!" Yama cried out, but it was too late, as Taichi, possessed by the wishes of a thousand fangirls, showed the inherent limitations in the democratic system, specifically in its inability to prevent the tyranny of the majority…

But as quickly as the hard yaoi scene began, it ended, and the fangirls disappeared into the ever-shifting mists of time, which then engulfed a random country in Europe and sent it into the distant future, thus really screwing with things…

The immediate effects of this screwing with things were that Miyako gained a large following of doom, and the Takari forces could be combated at last! But the devastation inflicted by such a war was vast, and whether the digital world would ever recover from such a thing could not easily be determined, but the devastation was immense indeed…

Then a Sokeru scene occurred, and out of the post-apocalyptic digital world (Is there any other kind?) they came… And as they came, they would make the world finally have some sort of lasting change, after six chapters happening with something that was roughly the status quo as the result!

Ultimately, the digital world was a dark place… Not literally, though its sky did tend to have an unusually purplish shade in some areas, but dark in the metaphorical sense… Sure, there were those who thought it was a light-hearted world, but they had a strong correlation with those who hadn't seen the series set in it or ever been there, so they were wildly regarded as idiots…

As for who "they" were, it could not easily be said, as they were mysterious figures that enjoyed shrouding themselves in cloaks and assassinating random Koromon… But still, it was their deeds that would change the world, and only partially because one of them mistook Platinum Sukamon for an oversized Koromon…

"A hideous darkness was upon us… Then again, this was the digital world, so a hideous darkness was always upon us, but this was of the "viral nightmare soldier more hideous then anything seen in either world" variety, so we were all doomed…" Takeru wrote, using the past tense for events that were currently occurring, though he meant to just be describing the Devimon incident…

"To protect the digital world… To defend those digimon who merely wish to live their lives in peace from the tyranny of another creature that wields the powers of darkness… That was why I fought…"

"Takeru-kun, will you stop writing your memoirs already and start overthrowing the author!" Miyako yelled, wielding some sort of trademark weapon…

"Sorry!" Takeru said meekly, squeaking back from the inheritor of Sincerity and Love in fear, and then it happened…

At last, after so many years… After so much filler space vaguely referencing them, they came at last, and were finally introduced to the story which they would prove to be occasional antagonists for!

As for who they were, at first they appeared to be cloaked figures of darkness, all riding upon black Garurumon of death, destruction, and blue flame… What they truly were would be revealed in a horrible battle involving their cloaks of darkness being shredded and massive fanservice, a battle which would not soon come…

"Cloaked riders of the night on black creatures… I presume you're assassins?" Yamato asked, holding out his digivice…

"No, we're just messengers of darkness, the assassination industry's been in decline as of late…" The lead one said, throwing a shuriken with a note attached, which Yamato nimbly caught…

"No!" He screamed out in horror, and the messengers left, content that their task had been completed…

As for what the note said, that was secret, but rest assured it was sufficiently Evil™…

"So, what's so horrid…" Miyako said, and then glancing at the note, recoiled in sheer horror… "It can't be…"

"People don't deliver false messages by shuriken in the night... It has happened…" Yamato said, still trying to comprehend the horror…

"I may have managed to stop him, but… I weep for anyone who crosses Cthulhu's path…" Hikari said sadly, as Miyako clung to her in fear…

"Cthulhu's back?" Yamato asked, not seeming to notice that part of the note… I thought it was just that other unspeakable horror, the Parrotmon of legend…"

"You're right… Cthulhu's strong, but he still sleeps, we're looking at a Crossmon of death now… Eight years and it all comes down to this…" Takeru said, and then holding up his digivice to a random portal, added "So, shall we go to Hikarigaoka?"

"We've fought too many battles there, it's getting pretty boring, and, besides, I'm not sure how much longer the authorities can keep saying the bridge was blown up by terrorists…" Koushirou responded, hacking into Tentomon's source code… "What about a random mountain of evil?"

"Like Infinity or Spiral? It's a pretty good idea, but ultimately…" Miyako began… "This conversation is pretty pointless, Crossmon will choose the battlefield, and we'll just have to respond…

And so the final battle began, and continued, and continued… No one seemed to have anticipated that Crossmon would actually bring a legion of parrots, and so they fled down the mountain, certainly not crushed, but nowhere near stopping The Ultimate Evil™, especially considering that they were in battle with Crossmon, who's form the author doesn't feel like looking up, but who evolves from a vaccine-type wind guardian, not a virus-type nightmare soldier, which the ultimate evil must be, and this is indeed a run-on sentence of ninety-two words showing the author's reliance of commas to the exclusion of other punctuation marks.

"How long until the apocalypse?" Miyako asked, checking her non-existent watch… "Okay, we still have enough time…"

"Yes, but it's not the apocalypse I'm fearful of…" Hikari said sadly, and Daisuke, finally making an emotional appearance in one of my fics written in post-Oikawan times, looked on with the same fear in his deep brown eyes…

"We thought that with these dark times, the Daikari fandom was broken… But we're all doomed…" Daisuke said, actually being able to show some seriousness despite popular opinion, which in many ways was shaped by Jeff Nimoy's atrocities, though they would rarely admit to such a thing…

Then the serious tone dropped, as the one incident which could make a thing happen occurred, and despite the author's militant Sokeru principles, even though it horrified him to even consider writing such a thing, Takeyako hintings would be brought into the story!

But since Takeyako hintings were so very horrible, such a hideous coupling even more vile then Takari, the scene then changed to something slightly less evil! But as for what it was that was slightly less evil, it involved Numemon being sacrificed to the dark gods, and for some odd reason Queen Hikari I, their former liberator, was in the area to save them…

But this time there was no plotline, no story to frame the tragedy in, as the author had lost His mind… And as the horde of your stereotypical undead telemarketers charged, Miyako stood in it's midst, unable to escape…

And then a meteor struck, and all was well in the digital world, if the word "well" is used in it's obscure, Old English meaning of "Dead or nearing death"

"You know, I'm all for rebuilding the digital world under normal circumstances, but this is just getting annoying…" Takeru said, annoyed by the author destroying the digital world whenever he couldn't find anything else to do…

"Yeah, but I'd rather not tempt the author…" Miyako said sadly, fearfully remembering recent events that had been skipped over to "protect the reader's sensibilities"…

"C'mon, they didn't like you from the beginning…" Takeru answered playfully… "After all, you got stuck with a digimon of the opposite gender that jogressed into a hermaphrodite."

Hawkmon then began pecking Takeru into oblivion, and thus ended the abortive attempt at a Takeyako scene.

In conclusion, the digital world is a freaky place, and it doesn't make any sense to put "In conclusion" in the middle of a random story, instead of at the end of an essay as is more traditionally done… That said, Vamdemon had been revived from the grave once more by the riders of the night (Shrouded in 2 cloaks of mystery), Oikawa was drowning in eternal sorrow beyond the capacity of this writer to accurately portray (Especially in a humor fic) and the digital world was doomed. Again.

But it was the destiny of the chosen to always stop the digital world from being doomed, fail miserably, and have a lot of death to angst over afterward, then eventually beat them in a bittersweet battle which leaves the fans depressed over it anyway, so they rode out to combat, and with a few cries of "Bloody Stream!" got their collective asses kicked by Vamdemon, and returned once more to sorrowful mourning of their defeat, as Vamdemon ravaged the proverbial countryside, but did not burninate it, as that was beyond his power.

Meanwhile, Yamato finally killed himself over his angst, though he may have been already dead from events earlier in the fic, in which case he killed himself in the afterlife.

Regardless, Yamato was dead now, and since he was the embodiment of friendship, it was only natural that internal dissent would rip the chosen apart, unless they were to rely on Daisuke… And if Daisuke, even if not the hideous travesty he became in the dub, was to be the one the bonds of the chosen rested on, they were all doomed… However, they already were all doomed, so it didn't matter much.

But the embodiment of doom had come, mainly out of boredom and pervertedness… To abduct the former Kaiser, to create yaoi scenes, that was the way of the fangirl… And with internal dissent ripping the chosen apart, there had never been a better time, right?

And thus started the war that, due to a translation error, ended up being fought over swords (The real kind, get your minds out of the gutter!)

"Digimon Kaiser…" Miyako said coldly, holding a knife to Ken's heart… "I expect full control over both worlds when you finish."

"Miyako-chan, that's pure evil!" Hikari protested, but found herself at the height of her power just defending herself from Daikeru fans, so she couldn't do a damn thing about it.

Oddly enough, Elecmon wept for the Kaiser, but if his tears couldn't stop the Kaiser the first time, they wouldn't stop Miyako's dark plans using the Kaiser the second time…

"Yay! We're all doomed!" Miyako shouted out excitedly.

"That's because of _your_ deeds, evil one…" Takeru shouted back, an aura of anti-evil appearing around him…

"Hey, I'm not entirely evil! I did help save the digital world, and my jogress partner is the embodiment of light after all…" Miyako protested.

"But opposites attract, and that was the name of the Hiyako episode in the dub." Hikari responded, smiling. "Of course, some have thought it Kenkari supporting, but the fandom's full of so many baka anyway." She added, actually capable of insult, contrary to popular belief…

"So? Doesn't light have an opposite other then darkness? Besides, I am one of the chosen, right?"

"Even the gods make mistakes." Takeru responded, and Miyako yelled out about how none were coming to her defense, and how the author had still not begun to wrap up the chapter.

"Noooooooooooo!" Sora responded, crying out for no good reason. "Despite the word count, the author's still focusing on the 02 chosen and virtually ignored me!"

"Well, 02 is getting subbed faster." Miyako responded, smiling. "And 01 is pretty sane, it doesn't have the same potential as my series!"

Meanwhile, in an alternate dimension, Takuya bemoaned his series' lack of anything useful, and the digimon/humans of that world were upset, thus letting the terrorists win.

However, the actual impact of this on the digital world was nil, despite the horrible sociopolitical effects on the human world, it was all in crappy places that had not gone through the internet revolution. (Which was decisively won by Australia.)

But the word count was still not inflated enough, and the author did not wish to resort to either political humor or fanservice, so a horrible dilemma was created, which not even pointing out the fact that Milleryo actually has more evidence then Taiora could diffuse, though it did help somewhat.

"Author-baka! Your soul shall be mine!" Miyako yelled, leaping at him from behind. "And now, in celebration of Christmas, despite the attempts of this fic to be timeless, we leave you with the following!" The author yelled, trying to stay alive... "Remember to watch as much subbed digimon as you can and support digimon shounen-ai! If we all just write one fic like that, the percentage of shounen-ai on FFN will increase by a miniscule amount! Support Sokeru, despite it being hetero! And remember, Nidoran can not be used for murder, use a good digimon like Bakumon instead, and kill them in their sleep!"


	8. 7 and one half! A thinly disguised bump!

"And now, after years of suffering in this world, we bring you the next chapter of this insane fic!" A super-deformed version of Hikari shouted.

"Its tone goes against everything digimon stands for! Its author is a horrible autocrat who intervenes constantly and breaks the fourth wall on a regular basis! And yet it remains one of the better digimon fics on FFN! And so, we bring you…" A chibi version of Miyako began, holding up a sign...

"The eighth chapter of the penultimate bizarre digimon humor fic! Please review this time!" The two said in unison, and then the fabric of space-time collapsed, killing both the chibi-chosen.

However, the author had no idea what said chapter was to contain, so instead he just had a blue Metal Greymon go on a rampage and kill a lot of people, as Miyako yelled hyperly(Which is a word, he decreed it to be so.) about how the end was upon us. Of course, it wasn't, but the author was too distracted to come up with a real explanation…

"The end is upon us!" Miyako yelled out. "Therefore, we must fortify this place and ensure that it is uninhabitable, that way we shall never be conquered!"

"But the evil is unbeatable…" Takeru answered sadly. "It will take a devastating combination to do them in, requiring massive fanservice and plenty of yaoi!"

"But we must appeal to both yaoi fans and the average freedom-loving American!" Daisuke responded, using the term "Freedom-loving American" as a euphemism for pervert. "Kenkeru, Angekeru, Taito, the yaoi part's easy… But all the digimon females are way too flat to appeal to people, it would be like a hot springs scene focusing on Lina Inverse!"

Daisuke was thwapped, but the point remained.

"What about some Angewomon/Lady Devimon stuff?" Miyako wondered aloud, donning an incredibly strong armor just in case, which proved to be needed very soon.

"Wait, we haven't had a random magical girl appearance or giant robot yet!" Sora yelled out, wondering if this could truly be called an anime-inspired fic…

"Don't worry, it will come, magical girls always appear out of nowhere to save people, right?" Daisuke asked casually.

"Not in the eighth chapter they don't!" Miyako yelled, wondering why Daisuke was being written as such an idiot, for which the author meekly apologized and ran away, thus ending this chapter…

"Hey! You can't end the chapter yet, it's only reached about four hundred words!" Miyako shouted angrily, wielding a giant iron fan of death.

"It's a humor fic, it doesn't need a normal chapter length!" The author shot back, hurling a sword of pure flame at Miyako for the heck of it.

"Yeah, but if you finish the chapter now, the readers will realize how incompetently far behind you've been on this thing!" She shouted.

_Incompetently far behind… Yes, I am incompetently far behind_, _and I'm constantly breaking the fourth wall as well… But still, I can't think of anything, it's not like I have another option!_

And with that, the author ran away tearfully, not to resort to breaching the fourth wall again in this chapter, which was supposed to end now anyway. (Admittedly, it wasn't _that_ bad, considering that this fic has partially been inspired by the Hitch Hiker's guide to the galaxy)

But now, it was time for an event of legends… Something which could forever be spoofed and referenced, something that would truly vault this story into the pantheon of legendary fanfics! Something that, once thought up by the brain-dead author, could singlehandedly make this fic accomplish its goal!

Something he couldn't think up at the time, so breaching the fourth wall despite his promise in the narrative only a couple hundred words before, he collapsed on the keyboard, and all that could be seen was "eirhncsvkxcjnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn". But it would be thought up in time, and when it was, he would rule the world! (Or at least a good chunk of Antarctica)

"And so, after a good chunk of build-up, the scene of legends began, in a frozen wintry field! The quote which was spoken of unleashed itself, and Takeru's fate would be decided! And in the cosmic battle of the gods, a great love blossomed, and the world would finally heal! Next time, on" The narrator began, but was then silenced by an angry Chibi-Miyako.

"The chapter must not end here!" She yelled, determined to stop the end from coming at any cost… "I can't let it end like this, especially not as a Sokeru!" She added, crying.

Miyako soon learned once more why it was not wise to trifle with the gods or beings as powerful of the gods, but since the author didn't have it in him to come up with the scene yet, and as Miyako was defeated the chapter ended!


	9. Chapter 8: The hideously extended chapte

"And so, the next chapter begins…" Chibi-Hikari began, looking over to the struck-by-lightning Miyako chibi beside her. "And let me say that the author's made it his new year's resolution to write an entire chapter without breaking the fourth wall, and hopefully, save this introduction, he'll succeed!"

"We all hope he does, I'm not sure how much more divine intervention I can take." Miyako responded in an exhausted manner, as an earthquake ripped the ground below her apart and she fell to her death.

Again.

But the fourth wall had been constructed with renewed strength, and for now, all the digital world would have to worry about would be that annoying trends of evils long past returning to wreak havoc, and of course the devastating Daikari/Takari coupling wars.

And so with that, the chosen gathered once more (Astute readers will notice that Yamato was killed off, as was Miyako, and Daisuke should be on another planet. This would make a lot of sense, if there was any continuity to speak of in this fic.) on Infinity Mountain, and the digital world was doomed.

As for why it was doomed, this was because of the following rational progression:

Vamdemon, no matter how much people thought he was after each of his supposed deaths, was not dead.

Every time Vamdemon was alive, he tried to do things that would bring doom to the digital world.

Every time this happened, he was only barely stopped.

Therefore, it follows that considering how long the digital world lasts, eventually he'd succeed, and the digital world was therefore doomed.

The chosen, however, had given up on Vamdemon and had other, far more important things to do, such as going to the heavens to glomp angel digimon.

However, Infinity Mountain, as every digimon knows, is a misnomer, so it does not stretch up to the heavens, so they would have to go elsewhere.

And then from out of nowhere it came, a horrible blizzard brought on by the boredom of the digital world, and the chosen were separated once more! (Though it was blamed on a rampaging Yukidarumon.)

Winds strong enough to send most digimon of their feet, gentle snowflakes becoming less then gentle and getting in your eyes… Even though they were quite fun to look at and it made for a nice spell, blizzards have never been thought of as something good to be caught in.

And of course, it was precisely what the chosen _were_ caught in, so this was quite annoying, though it would provide a convoluted, annoying excuse for a Hiyako lemon scene. But this was a noble excuse, an excuse used even in such mighty series as Excel Saga, an excuse that enables any two random characters trapped in a snowstorm and freezing to succumb to their lusts.

Of course, when Miyako was one of the people involved, they did just that. And so as Miyako slid a hand down Hikari's shirt, I should remind the readers that it was a need to stay warm through the blizzard, not mutual lust, that was behind the upcoming yuri scene, so, rabid Takari fanboys of the world, there is no need to lynch anyone.

However, though there may be a way to make detailed lemon scenes funny, it is beyond the knowledge of the narrator, so the scene switched to that of Takeru and Sora, who, oddly enough out of pure chance, also ended up together and isolated from the others.

"Brrr…" Sora began in a completely unromantic way, shivering and putting her hands to her shoulders.

"Yeah, it's really cold here. Don't worry, Piyomon's sure to find us soon, right?" Takeru responded hopefully, as the bird digimon got knocked out by a large chunk of ice.

"I'm not convinced…" Sora said in a gloomy tone, fearful of her fate, which one tends to be when said fate is quite obviously "Buried in a deadly snowstorm, died of hypothermia."

"_She's cute when she's terrified." _Takeru thought, and then shook his head. "C'mon, don't be thinking of _that_ at a time like this!" He mentally berated himself, as his face turned a crimson shade.

And since it's so much fun to randomly interrupt dramatic fluffy scenes of flowering romance, we now give you… Random acts of genocide against mechanical digimon! Then more expanding on the Hiyako scene, then some other stuff the author thinks of, and then we'll be back to the nice bit of Sokeru fluff.

But first, the Hiyako scene, because the world needs more digimon fanservice. So naturally, we go straight to the aftermath and skip the lemon entirely, as the two lied together, Hikari's head resting softly on Miyako's breast, she began to think of days long past…

Miyako, on the other hand, as much as she wanted to reminisce, was too aroused by Hikari to actually do so. And so, as Hikari remembered all her time with Miyako-chan and at last felt desires of her own, she turned around to (Censored to maintain rating) and at last was in a state of pure, orgasmic bliss.

Now that the readers have had some nice happy yuri to get them in the proper mood, I shall tragically announce that Yamato passed out in a snowstorm and was barely saved by Gabumon, but due to amputations that had to be made fangirls now have no reason to stalk him.

I must also announce that there will be an innocent, non-perverted scene!

Eventually.

For now, we're just going to have a bunch of yaoi, or we would if Angemon could plausibly be paired with Ken at least. We will also stop referring to ourselves in the plural, as we find it odd.

Sadly, the legendary quote has still not been found and will most likely join the long list of broken promises, in fact, this fic's been incredibly lacking in dialogue, though the chain of logical thought about how the digital world was doomed and the line "because the world needs more digimon fanservice" might someday be remembered.

This is really lacking in dialogue, though, so the lair of Vamdemon shall now be entered, mainly because he's berating his subordinates and adding some much-needed dialogue to the text.

"Pico Devimon, I'm surprised you're still alive." Vamdemon said passively, wondering how he could get that useless subordinate killed.

"Vamdemon-sama, I didn't survive, I just got quickly reincarnated because death died." He responded, with a look on his face that clearly expressed the concept of "Please don't feed me to your bats and hold me upside-down over a fire again, Vamdemon-sama!!!"

However, Vamdemon was a sadist with nothing better to do, and was prepared to brutally torture the small devil, had a random human not just barged in.

"Who are you, and what are you doing in my castle? Explain yourself, human!" The Vamdemon yelled, his voice echoing through the deep caverns and making the human go chibi and cover his ears.

"Forgive me for my break from tone, your voice demanded it." The shrouded human said, his cloak revealing little more then his bluish eyes, which made it clearly either Yamato, Takeru, Ken, or some random chosen created for this scene. "I'm here to stop you!"

"With what? A weakling little Wormmon?" He asked, and then the shrouded figure spoke.

"Wormmon should be more then enough to defeat the likes of you." He answered coldly, brandishing a whip, and the scene faded to black to minimize carnage and thus allowing this fic to at least maintain a pretense of not being misrated to avoid the fic being swept under the rug on FFN, despite the lime content.

As an antidote for the darkness, the nice Sokeru fluff shall now resume.

"Takeru-kun?" Sora asked, as the bearer of hope was lost in thought… "Are you there, Takeru-kun?" She added, going chibi and poking him numerous times, but to no answer. "It's hard to have a fluffy scene if one of the characters is mentally absent!" She scolded, looking absolutely adorable and somewhat mad doing it because of her super-deformed form.

"Sorry…" The bearer of hope responded, clearly not into the forced Sokeru scene…

"C'mon! If this scene doesn't pick up in fluffiness, he might have to make it a Takari or something!" Sora yelled, and Takeru recoiled in sheer horror…

"Fine…" He said, embracing the bearer of love warmly, as the snow pelted the ground outside…

But eventually they were found by the batpig and the chocobo(I will not use political correctness! I don't care if "chocobo" has become a slur among the Piyomon race, she still is one!) passed out in one another's arms. Then the cave they were hiding out in collapsed and they froze to near-death, only to be warmed up by Birdramon at the last thread of their life, and remaining conveniently unconscious for the rest of the chapter.

But said chapter could not end just yet, as the chapter/word ratio had to be increased in a pitiful attempt to make more people read the fic, so something would have to be done to continue it! And as penguins are inherently funny, it only made sense to have a militia composed mainly of penguins (Though with a distinct minority of lesser dragons) brutally attack Mimi and Miyako.

"Huh?" Miyako asked, why the penguins were attacking… "Save me Mimi-chan!" She yelled, glomping the holder of the crest of purity. But her glomp was too energetic, and Mimi was knocked over, so neither could escape.

The result of this was predictable, and they were both pumped full of icy bullets and brutally killed, thus tormenting Shurimon and giving him a burning desire for revenge he would forever carry with him in his heart, even once he managed said revenge.

_Miyako-chan… I will never forget you… I shall turn my sorrow into hate, and make every one of those penguins suffer!_

Then the penguins started shooting at the odd warrior from behind.

"Kisama…" Shurimon began, though it wasn't clear which one of the penguins he referred to. "I'll make each and every one of you suffer! Autumn Wind!"

Then Shurimon threw his mighty shuriken, and was promptly gunned down in a hail of bullets.

But with only eight chosen remaining available for use, most of which lacked much humor potential, the chapter reaching it's proper length would be a difficult task indeed, especially if Ioblacku jokes would not be used to pad word count.

So, with Excel Saga blaring in the background, Hikari and Cthulhu fought each other once more, the fate of the world at stake. As revolutions occurred across the world, as Yamato and Taichi engaged in hot yaoi intercourse, the legendary quote finally revealed itself!

"Suffering is the way of the world, whether human or digital… Even though we of the light try to stop it, the balance is never disrupted by the light, so it shall always continue… And the suffering you've caused was bitter indeed, I don't deny it… But when you people wish to neglect even our memories, when fools like you forget the very nature of our world and wish to believe it a mere pokemon rip-off, when you wish not merely to forget the sacrifices of so many digimon, but also to deny the very tragedy of what we went through, to think of it s just another light-hearted anime series no different then pokemon, I will never forgive you!"

And so the quote was spoken, subconsciously ripped off from too many things to name, but still with no one to attribute it to… For that reason, we will say Ken Ichijouji said it, before setting Dinobeemon on a bunch of idiots, and victory at last came to the side of good.

The end.

Such a statement really should be said when the chapter ends, but something would have to be typed instead of a graphic description of the brutality Dinobeemon demonstrated, so "The end" was it, though the chapter marched forever onward despite said "end", as Hikari ripped off one of Cthulhu's tentacles in a burst of light and the eternal battle between good and evil continued, and the chapter dragged forever onward, though it's humor capacity had been all but eliminated.

But a desire for greatness made it trudge forever onward, determined to come up with humor in impossible circumstances!

Besides, Daisuke had a bit of humor potential, though he was mutilated in the dub to such an extent that with only a fourth of 02 subbed at this date, his personality is still ungrasped. And as a satirical mockery of modern American politics focusing on the fascist leanings in American society would be too controversial, something would have to be thought up, and putting the author's train of thought down as part of the fic is bad form, but the nature of such fics demands it.

And though the chapter was long enough to end and Miyako was too dead to extend it artificially, it would still continue, for Platinum Sukamon had launched another senseless assault with no severe consequences in the end!

"Wait, I gave that dramatic speech to a weak filth-type digimon when I had Dinobeemon on my side? I should have saved it for someone who was actually threatening…" Ken began, scratching the back of his head. "Either way, kill him." He said, showing an amount of coldness he didn't show to actual digimon, thus proving cause for endless speculation, or it would do so if anyone actually read this fic, let alone took it seriously. And thus, repeating the same tired self-depreciating humor it always had, the chapter continued…

But a new infusion of plotline had come, an infusion that could finally move the story beyond gratuitous yuri! Then it left, leaving only a few Royal Knights behind, Omegamon and Dukemon trading blows, and Magnamon backing quasi-fascist ideals in the name of Yggdrasil.

But there were more then one Magnamon is the world,, and Seiryu was pissed at Yggdrasil, so the Digimental of miracles, due to divine intervention, would glow once more.

Then the two Magnamon fought to a draw, and the eternal battle for the souls of the chosen continued, though a few of them had already been decided on one side or the other.

That said, Alphamon's coolness could still not be denied, even though these random X-Evolution references have no relevance whatsoever to the plot… And still desperately extending the chapter far beyond its natural life, he continued to type without relevance.

That said, the Penguin militia (Half which had evolved into Rukamon, as the only thing more amusing the penguins with infantry weapons is marine mammals with infantry weapons) had confronted Platinum Sukamon, the title of the main villain at stake.

Taking advantage of this, Ken wiped them both out in the midst of combat, and good at last triumphed over evil. But the coupling wars still weren't resolved, and in their quest for victory, they had grown to involve people with even more and more foolish coupling flames.

Before the brutal descriptions of war begin, I would like to take some time out to remind you that whatever events you thought happened twenty-five years after the death of Oikawa were hallucinated, merely another case of mass hysteria, and did not actually happen in any way, shape, or form, though it's not implausible that Miyako engaged in intercourse with Ken at one point in that stretch of time.

And so as Sora and Takeru rested in loving embrace, supporters of Taiora, Sorato, and Taito took to the battlefield of the net, which of course turned into an actual battlefield in the digital world, where they slaughtered each other. Meanwhile, a bunch of Vamdemon came and eagerly lapped up the blood, until they began fighting against one another on whether the adventure one should be paired with Piemon, Wizarmon, or Angewomon.

Then the digital world plunged into full-scale civil war, and after years of chaos, the supporters of Taishirou emerged triumphant. But this was too freaky a pairing, so they started another war, as digimon are sadly far too inclined to do, no matter how many times you cleanse the digital world. I say it's Suzaku's fault.

Then, despite Miyako having been dead for years and it therefore being necrophilia, which is wrong and implausible due to beings purely of the light not having a tendency to fuck the dead, another gratuitous Hiyako scene was thrown in anyway.

258 words… 256 more words or so, and the chapter would finally end… Traditionally, it would do so with Miyako berating the author over his failures, but the fourth wall must hold or at least not be acknowledged by any characters, and Miyako-chan was dead anyway.

So another method would have to be used, a method far, far more horrible… A method that had been sealed away and only occasionally referenced humorously, but only through the internet, as speaking it would summon Hastur.

But merely typing "Hastur" 171 times (By Microsoft Word reckoning) would simply be boring, so a new way would have to be revealed.

"Hastur, Hastur, Hastur!" Daisuke said, and then was eaten, as this humor fic has not yet made fun of the Taichi clone in any serious degree, which is in violation of international law. So please don't kill me!

And so it continues, even though a small bit of writing would end it… But that writing will be delayed, or at least I will say it will be so that my writing habits will never be revealed! Mwahahahahaha!

But the author's megalomania was simply too much for Hikari to bear, and the bearer of light finally snapped and killed the author, despite his Mighty Author Powers™, he simply could not stop it.

(Mighty Author Powers is a registered trademark of the humorous fanfic writers of the world.)

But with no author, the fic simply could not be uploaded anywhere, and it would merely be forgotten. So Genbu restored the self-proclaimed "Emperor Birdboy I of the Digital World" to life, and the chapter at last ended.


	10. Black War Greymon's unrequited love!

"Considering how long things are taking, you probably expect two chapters in this span of time." Chibi-Miyako began. "But humor often comes in short bursts, and there is no force stronger then human laziness, so the delay was inevitable! That said, we now bring you the ninth chapter of the Penultimate bizarre digimon humor fic!"

"Please ignore the civil war raging outside, this fic is what you should pay attention to." Chibi-Hikari added, and teh chapter began!

But it was not an easy chapter to write, nor a well-plotted chapter, so it would have to resort to an overused cliché that could only be avoided if certain idiots would start with the "Wooden stake through Vamdemon's heart" stuff.

(Note: The statement calling the chosen children, noble heroes who sacrificed their innocence and fought so hard to save this world, suffering so much in the process, idiots, was not intended as a show of disrespect for the saviors of this world.)

(Addendum to Note: Putting author's notes in the middle of fics is horrible practice that pisses everyone off, but sometimes it has humor value.)

(Addendum to Addendum: I'm adding a second addendum for the heck of it. Let the fic resume.)

And so, Vamdemon returned from the grave again and killed a bunch of digimon, Tailmon got pissed off, Wizarmon's ghost appeared and did something ridiculously cool and heroic, the conflict spilled over to the human world, Luxembourg was reduced to rubble, and the run-on sentence with far too many commas ended. In the end, a great showdown commenced between Hikari and Vamdemon atop Tokyo Tower.

"Are you EVER going to stop doing this? I've heard of eternal struggle, but isn't this going a bit far?" Hikari asked, wondering whether she'd have to deal with this every year for the rest of her life.

"The gods aren't willing to reincarnate me as something else, and there's really not much more for a vampire digimon to do." He responded sadly.

"Very well then. I'm sorry, but as the bearer of light, I must defeat you!"

"You, defeat me? Just because I'm a vampire that averts my eyes whenever noticing bright light? I'm still stronger then ever before, I have a chance this time." Vamdemon responded, spewing an improved night raid of Pico Devimon at her. "You think YOU can avert the end?"

"No, not really." Hikari responded, enduring the pain. "But I can easily divert your attention while Takeru-kun averts the end!" She yelled angrily, shooting a mighty burst of light out.

Vamdemon ignored said burst of light, his eyes scanning the air for the one who held the crest of hope… Were Hikari not lying about not being able to avert the end, this would be a wise decision, but instead it just led to his defeat… But not his death, for digimon was always greatest when Vamdemon lived, and recurring villains tend to be really good at escape…

Of course, villains that aren't good at escape tend to either be very powerful or not very recurring.

So Vamdemon escaped and lived happily ever after, spending the rest of his immortal life killing innocent digimon, and all was well in this world, unless you happened to be one of the weak digimon that became his prey.

That said, this world was an interesting one indeed… The coupling wars would resume once more in this bittersweet land of crotch-demons, Fushigi Yuugi references, and heavy shounen-ai subtext, and even if it lacked yaoi incest save on the so-called "Frontier", it was an interesting place, and it was one of the few series in which the fans could refer to "The Angekeru episode" and people would know of what they speak.

That said, it was not a perfect world. It was a world lacking in bishoujo of any sort, with nowhere near enough winged bishounen. And it could not develop a strong fandom to protect it, mainly because in a dimension far beyond it had a crappy dub.

But now was the time for rampant infighting, for Takari and Daikari supporters alike to kill each other while the Hiyako fans looked on, sweatdropping, and Takeru angsted over Angemon's inability to love, because continuing one-sided Angekeru from Angemon's side implies internal continuity.

"Angemon… I'm sorry…" Takeru said meekly, remembering…

"What for?" Angemon asked, as the statement was cryptic and somewhat out of the blue.

"I've always been weak…" Takeru responded, blushing… "You've been hurt so many times to protect me, and I never could make it up to you…"

"Takeru-kun…" Angemon answered, gently rubbing his cheek… "I don't mind, I want to protect you…" He said, finally cracking a smile.

"Yay! Finally a decent yaoi scene!" Miyako yelled out fangirlishly from the window below, committing the scene to memory for usage in later doujinshi.

"Thanks… For everything you've done for me, for protecting me through all these years… I thank you…"

Angemon wondered why the heck Takeru was being so serious all of a sudden, but as usually happens during fluffy scenes in humor fics, the floor collapsed due to the work of a slightly evil Drimogemon, and the angel digimon of course had to grab Takeru and fly him out of there.

A flower… What difference does it make if a single flower lives or dies? Black War Greymon's spirit continued to wander, wondering if the flower he saved, only to destroy so soon after was a showing of his heart, symbolic of Iori, or something different entirely… His soul would never find peace.

Agumon, Iori, both trying so hard to help him. But was it out of kindness, or merely to prevent his power from ruining the world? Souls like this typically get tracked down by some sort of afterlife beings and helped out/slaughtered, but no one liked Black War Greymon… And so his tears would not cease, not until he met Iori once more…

And so he continued to angst, randomly regained physical form in a freak accident, and tried to obtain the title of strongest again, thus giving this fic a much-needed villain.

That is, until the coupling war came over whether to pair him with Iori or Fladramon, and he became too distracted to do evil deeds. Meanwhile, in a horrid dub far away, Ankylomon made an unintentional homoerotic double entrede.

Then the holy stones were destroyed again, the past continued to repeat itself, and save Takeru and Angemon, all was lost.

But the digital world's last hope was engaging in a shounen-ai scene with his digimon partner, so all would just have to be lost.

"Wait a minute, who the hell destroyed the new holy stones?" Miyako asked, continuing the tired running gag of berating the author, along with the self-depreciating humor that is surely getting old by now.

"A pissed-off Numemon." He responded, as if this were the most logical thing in the world, and then for the third time in this fic, the world ended.

For some values of "third"

Then the revolution came.

As a rule, revolutions tend to be spontaneous things, things that happen when a lot of people are reasonably pissed off with the current government, and there's a decent-sized protest to join in, use to take over a city, and eventually overthrow the government, then kill each other arguing over where to take the new society. But this was not a normal revolution.

As for how it differed, that was a secret, but this author has used the theme of yaoi fangirls violently overthrowing the government too often already, so the revolution shall be skipped, save as backstory on how Directory Continent got such a weird government. And sadly, it was directory continent that the chosen were needed on, and proper armed guards for bishies are hard to assemble.

What ended up happening did not need to be stated, but it was far more absurd then expected and had a slight Fushigi Yuugi crossover and a VERY angry Genbu.

Meanwhile, Black War Greymon's soul was still tormented, so he killed things to ease the pain. Some digimon got annoyed with this, so he killed them too, as the all-powerful can get away with anything.

Imperialdramon's so-called Paladin Mode is something that very rarely appears. This is mainly because actually getting an Omegamon and Imperialdramon together is hard enough in itself, and finding a villain powerful enough the two need to jogress is all but impossible these days.

This is a random tidbit of information having nothing to do with the story, which has little to do with anything to begin with.

There are some things in any world that are simply a Bad Idea. In the human world, for instance, it would be criticizing the government, trolling on certain forums, or strolling down Yawkey Way wearing a New York Yankees hat.

In the digital world, one of the major ones was "Glomping Black War Greymon." But as if said fangirl was just some annoying Mary Sue, Black War Greymon hesitated to bring up his mighty claw and impale the fangirl…

However, this was not out of any fickle kindness or finding all humans, not just Iori, to be like that flower long ago… No, he just had an annoying boulder dropped on his claw which he had to smash first, that was all… Really, that was all, he did kill the fangirl as soon as he smashed it, after all, so don't be ascribing kindness to him or you shall meet a similar fate!

Meanwhile, Takeru once more tossed in his sleep, screaming out in horror and cold sweat, though from what he was saying he might as well have been being raped by his digimon partner… Though then again, if he were being raped by Angemon, he wouldn't have minded so much.

No, he was just worrying about the growing powers of darkness and willing to do horrible and slightly depraved things to stop it. So the disjointed semi-parody of the Black War Greymon arc continued, until Seiryu smote everything and Takeru smiled cryptically as it ended.

Anger or kindness… A split personality, with a slightly psychopathic edge and a suppressed desire to (CENSORED) his digimon partner.(As opposed to wanting to (CENSORED) one's jogress partner, as is common among the chosen.) And this was our world's last hope.

That said, our world's last hope was VERY pissed off as he slowly approached the viral nightmare soldier, Black War Greymon intervened on his side in a way even more reminiscent of Aoshi Shinomori then usual for him, and the world went straight to hell, or good triumphed over evil, depending on your point of view.

The people of the future, of course, believed that good triumphed over evil, because the winners write the history books. This did require a bit of suspension of disbelief though, as considering Devimon the good guy is quite difficult indeed, though they managed to do just that.

But this scene had virtually no more comedic potential, so things would shift once more!

But where? Ioblacku jokes were the first thing that came to mind, but the author was hellbound enough already. And a transparent attempt at spoofing the most recently watched effort could only go so far, so more thinking would have to be done!

"C'mon, oh mighty author, that's a pathetic way to fill space! Breaking the fourth wall's trite and overdone by now, and it really adds nothing!" Chibi-Miyako yelled out, and was oddly enough struck by lightning right after, despite the utter lack of any nearby thunderstorm.

If this chapter were to remain true to traditional format, the author would get into an argument with Miyako about the ending with plenty of self-depreciating humor. But the normality of old was far, far gone, why, even the chapter length made little sense!

So instead it ended not with that, nor mindless explosions, but with something that might be somewhat original, though it probably isn't.

"Death by banana?" Miyako asked, but while that was original, he wanted the chapter ending to be more fundamentally digimon-based. For that reason, a revolution was also right out, fun as it may be.

But as far as this author knows, no chapter of anything has ever ended with the death of Aquilamon, though this may just be because no one ever cares about the giant horned eagle. So Aquilamon was struck by a falling sword of death, Miyako suffered many severe injuries, Takeru bemoaned the powers of darkness, Daisuke cursed at the heavens, and the ninth chapter ended once more!


	11. Chapter 10: You don't want to know

In this world we live in, there exists a mighty, mighty being.

Said mighty being is not native to the human world and was going a massive rampage, so the chosen had returned home in a noble attempt to stop him.

They failed miserably, and the human world now lay in ruins.

And with a ruined human world and a Miyako gone into full fangirl mode, we now bring you…

The tenth chapter of the penultimate bizarre digimon humor fic!

(Let it be noted that we wished to bring you the eighteenth chapter of V-Tamer, but FFN wouldn't accept it, and we couldn't find it anyway.)

Those who wish for harmony in the digital world, those who wish merely to rule for their own benefit, and those caught in the middle, perhaps searching for a reason for existence, perhaps going about their own lives ignoring the cosmic struggle, or perhaps living for a reason unrelated to good or evil.

"In other words, vaccine-type, virus-type, and data-type digimon, spoken of in a more flowery tone?" Koushirou asked, listening to Seiryu speak.

"Pretty much. Anyway, those who wish merely to rule for their own benefit are on the rampage again, and it will take Courage, Friendship, Love, Purity, Sincerity, Hope, and Light to defeat it…" The dragon god explained, and Koushirou looked rather sad.

"What the heck am I supposed to do then?"

"Come up with theories about the digital world?" The blue dragon of 1337ness said questioningly, having no idea what said chosen should do for this chapter.

Koushirou sighed dejectedly and began secretly either conquering earth or preserving the isolationism of the digital world, though it was secret and therefore could not be said by the narrator.

And so the war of legends began, a war which would cross two worlds and last an undetermined number of chapters. A war that, when concluded, would not stay true to form and produce either status quo ante bellum, instead merely have the results nullified utterly by the changing nature of the digital world, specifically its tendency to have apocalypses whenever the author has nothing better to do.

And so the war began, as a small fleet of Imperial Dramon utterly annihilated the armies of the human world's nations. (This is generally considered an act of war, but retaliating for acts of war is typically done when one has a military presence.)

And as a war for the fate of both worlds waged in the background, a shoujo-ai scene of great and terrible power finally happened!

But was it Angewokari, Hiyako, Miyami, or some other coupling entirely? And which chosen would it depress, leading them into a downward spiral that ended in them fighting on the side of Evil™? These questions and more would be answered eventually, but only eventually.

(Evil is a registered trademark of the Nightmare Soldier's Union.)

For now, the peace would begin! The peace which would shake the foundations of the world, the peace between Takari and Daikari forces that would bring so much destruction that it would make the dark masters look like the French army!

… Okay, it's a war, who am I kidding.

That said, love could divide even the strongest of hearts… And Hikari could never bear to hurt anyone, even as the bizarre love shape common in harem anime began to unfurl. And she could not always merely pretend not to care, let them fight over her because showing love to one of them would make the others so sad… Sure, it's worked in Tenchi Muyo and probably some other series, but one tends to need affection when Dagomon's trying to grasp your soul… And the Fushigi Yuugi route wouldn't work either, she knew them well enough, and she didn't want most of them killed off…

So she remained with a tormented soul, instead of being madly in love with Takeru like most would think, and Dagomon ended up stealing her away… And the argument over who would rescue her would in time engulf the world and spark this war…

But that would not be for ten more minutes… For now, for now they could just be at each other's throats, for now, the last few minutes would pass in relative chaos until the chosen children turned against each other.

Then they turned against each other, and it was bad.

There are some in this world who write exclusively Takari, who are convinced that Takeru and Hikari's love is nothing short of destined. And then there are those who seem to be writing the same couplings all the time, but those couplings are Sokeru and one-sided Angekeru, and no one wants to know what goes on in that person's mind.

I'm proud to say I'm the latter.

That last passage had nothing to do with the rest of the fic.

Back on topic, the war broke out and a lot of people died.

"Support Takari! It is destiny, and they have similar digimon!"

"Support Soyako! They were making puns on it all through the end of the world tour, and they have vaguely similar digimon!"

"No! Support Kenato, for they look hot together, even if their digimon are nothing alike!"

"What about just supporting Hiyako, Kensuke, Sokeru, Taito, and Joumi, based on canonical hintings?" The voice of reason asked, and was then shot down by an angry Guardromon.

So more and more digimon tried to kill each other, and one would get the impression that even if digimon used claws and flames instead of tanks and guns, they really weren't all that different then humans.

But now was not the time for war, despite the last page or so foreshadowing the opposite… No, now was the time for something far more interesting, something which would hopefully spoof the insane world that is digimon hentai, but more likely just be an excuse for the author to finally write a lemon scene.

But it would have to begin with a plot device, for even for humor purposes PWP fics were too horrible to spoof. And sadly, while "Were Garurumon was horny" is usually considered an acceptable plot device, there was no way at the moment for Gabumon to reach that form.

And while a cute shoujo-ai scene after one of the people involved saved the others from some horrible evil can also work well, it works better in lime form.

So there was only one plot that could truly work, only one way for a Kabuterimon/Mimi lemon could be done plausibly without the use of rape. But it's been done before, or so one believes, and therefore will not be written, as the author hates plagiarism, though overuse of commas is fine.

But love was truly powerful. A feeling which surpassed logic, which could summon up powerful phoenixes of flame, a feeling that gave great happiness to those who found it. And if they could figure out which of the chosen were in love and which were just being paired up by rabid shippers, then perhaps they would indeed save this world.

Phoenixes of ice are quite difficult to find, and phoenixes of thunder are just weird.

That said, it was easier to conquer the digital world with an army consisting solely of Numemon then to figure such a thing out. And so the twisted, convoluted, narrator-focused "plot" would have to end, and an amusing interaction would begin once more.

"Daisuke!" Miyako yelled, holding up a large, anti-Daisuke device. "WHAT were you doing with Hikari?"

"Is this a pathetic attempt for the characters themselves to fight a coupling war, even though the author detests Daikari and Takari?" The inheritor of courage and friendship asked, and then was smote.

"Probably. Wanna raid the dark ocean?"

"I would, but I have Ken over soon, for… Something." Daisuke answered, pitifully attempting to hide the Kensuke-ness.

Then Jureimon's philosophy rang true and they fought to the death over Takeru, Hawkmon, Ken, or Hikari, depending on who you ask. (Though it was really Hikari)

When it ended, the fic was still far, far away from anything coherent.

But the author's humor had dried up, so incoherence would have to rule, and the chapter would have to be uploaded.

Or would it? Unwanted yaoi scenes are inherently funny, filler was needed, and what better filler was there then a PWP Daikeru lemon?

There was none. But it would be easier to milk having the twelve chosen and four dark masters war among themselves for control of the digital world, so that would instead be the scene.

"I claim this corpse in the name of spain!" Miyako yelled, planting the Iberian flag in a dead Tyrannomon.

"No! He has fallen on my side of the border!" Daisuke shot back, sticking a flag with a V-mon on it in the Tyrannomon!

"But his corpse gives valuable natural resources to the war effort, and we have a bigger army!"

Unable to argue with the logic of "we have a bigger army", most would back down. Daisuke, however, spoke of the value of the crest of courage, and more importantly, his alliance with Ken and the destructive power of an Imperial Dramon.

Miyako then opened her shirt. On a male, especially one like Daisuke, this should have a profound distracting effect, and while he attends to the nosebleed the female can follow up by bringing death.

But with the possible exception of late 02 Hikari, the females among the chosen make Lina Inverse look busty. So Daisuke was unaffected, and Miyako was twitching fearfully as she faced down the antimatter dragon.

Then, the animator had a heart attack, and Imperial Dramon died. Miyako then killed the author for making such a lame Monty Python reference and uploaded the chapter for him.


	12. 11! Taikari supporters, unite!

Victory, defeat, stalemate, life, death. Noble words, words which have nothing to do with this odd, disjointed story.

This tale is, at least in theory, a story of courage, friendship, love, curiosity, purity, sincerity, hope, and light. It is also a story that has been going for ten chapters already and should not be introduced like this.

That said, after ten short chapters and one disjointed half-chapter that doesn't really count, Miyako Inoue was bored.

Then she was eaten by a rampaging Monochromon, and her digested corpse was no longer bored.

But things were still the same, the random death of Miyako was something that had happened many times before in this story, nothing was ever changing…

In life, there are those choices we all make. To live or to die, to abandon a friend or risk your life to save him, to pick Charmander, Squirtle, or Bulbasaur... A choice like this is what would soon have to be made. When creating a character, one must often choose their class, fighter, rogue, cleric, or mage.

But the one who created this digimon was lazy, and so he just rolled up random personality traits and a class/race combo instead, and ended up with a Wizarmon with five levels as a fighter.

This combination was an odd one, and while the Wizarmon was very good at killing things with his staff, his actual fighting ability was incredibly weak for a level five Wizarmon. For that reason, he attacked the chosen children.

(A statement that has no innuendo inherent in it whatsoever, even if "killing things with his staff" is a common statement in ecchi-oriented anime and manga!)

(Okay, YOU try finding a melee weapon that hasn't been used as a euphemism for that stuff. Not so easy, is it, oh readers?)

Change was a rare thing… Sure, actual change was common here, the world had been blown up at least three times, but it still seemed to be the same endless cycle, yet another setup for attempted joke after attempted joke, the plotline faltering. Some would look back on the first few chapters, when there was a semblance of continuity from chapter to chapter, and while amusing things did happen, there were traces of a larger story underneath.

But the author had lost his notes regarding that larger story, so such a restoration was impossible.

Instead…

Yukio Oikawa was not a happy swarm of butterflies these days. The digital world he had died to seal, even when it seemed a decent life was before him, had been blown up numerous times. Understandably, this saddened him slightly.

Still, if this was the price of avoiding the dark future he foresaw at his death, a future that was horribly and utterly wrong, even if it was reasonably peaceful, it was worth it.

He was still sad though. Then again, save a brief interval of a few minutes, he had always been sad since Hiroki's death.

In sharp contrast to this, Miyako(Who had learned Vamdemon's secrets, hence her frequent returns.) was happy. She couldn't tell what the source of this happiness was, the "magic spring of happiness" was not beneath her…

(Also not a euphemism. Will you people get your minds out of the gutter yet?)

However, as she was the closest thing digimon adventure had to a character in the Excel/Nuku nuku mold, it would ultimately be her role to do what must be done, but what no others could bring themselves to do…

"You want me to WHAT?" Miyako asked, flustered.

"Don't all good fics start with human-on-digimon sex?" A disembodied voice responded.

"You need to read fanfics in places other then the digiartist's domain, the digimon hentai zone and AFFN." Miyako answered, and then began to do depraved things to Sora for no apparent reason.

"Ano…" Takeru began timidly, not wanting to anger the Evil One.

Miyako glared at him, Takeru fell silent, and the author at last proved he wasn't a complete raving Sokeru fanboy.

Were Hikari a normal person, this would have provoked a reaction of some sort. Then again, if Hikari was a normal person, Mugen Dramon would still be terrorizing the Numemon, and Dagomon, while still single, would have to find someone else to bug.

"Shouldn't you be reacting?" Takeru asked, confused. "I though you and Miyako were…" He began, and was then impaled from behind by Stingmon. "Nani?"

The Digimon Kaiser smiled evilly, knowing Daisuke was now his for the taking.

A simple flower, twenty wooly mammoths, a fainting spider-woman. Nothing could heal Black War Greymon's heart… So he went around doing horrible, horrible things, and Oikawa was again a sad group of butterflies, having died for nothing.

Then again, Black War Greymon had died for nothing as well, and not even Iori could save either of them.

Ultimately, this fic may have a plot, but the plot is known only to the gods.

And as that is as good a transition sentence as any, the gods shall now be seen, conversing and wondering what the hell went wrong in this world, especially as "absence of the gods" is necessary for serious chunks of this fic to make sense.

But the workings of the gods are not meant to be known by men, so instead we turn to the workings of the Old Ones, or just the only Old One to appear in the sagas of Zero-two. Background music, that which had been so common and upbeat, was either absent entirely or cold, slow, and distant… Tailmon was oddly sad, Patamon was having a strong feeling that they had went through this episode before, and Koushirou was placed on the throne of the Republic of File City.

Then Cthulhu traveled across the worlds and ate Hikari.

Daisuke, meanwhile, was still in the possession of extraterrestrials, but no one cared. Ken probably would have, but he was busy torturing Takeru and such.

The digital world was, of course, an interesting place. Boring places don't have this many fanfics written using them as a setting. That other world, though, the world where many knew the tales of the chosen, the world that regularly sent warriors to fight in the mighty wars of fire between good(Represented as Taito) and evil(Represented as Taiora), was in decline.

With the possible exception of Gundam Wing, but we all know people just like it for the bishies anyway

There were many reasons for this. Warfare, the invention of nuclear weapons, backstabbing corporations, the fact that their prosperity was built on a finite resource they didn't have much backup for… But none of these were the particular problem.

That order that once called itself the digimon fandom had fallen into disarray. Their love of digimon was declining, and gaining new blood to replace those who had departed was a difficult task…

Worse, people had started to write Taikari fics en masse.

The reader, at this point, might want to point out that FFN had been overwhelmed with Takari fics for ages, and that the author, lacking a beta reader, made another stupid typo. This is wrong, for the truth is too horrible to bear…

While Yamakeru, and in a slightly related world Koukou, were noble, heroic incest pairings involving reasonably attractive bishounen and yaoi, the depravity of Taikari knows no bounds.

But since logic and avoiding depravity has never mattered in the digital world, the Taikari fans emerged triumphant on the field of battle.

A way to say "Battlefield" while adding four characters to the word and making the story seem longer, along with inflating the word count by two.

And so Taichi and the eaten Hikari, not twisted enough to support the ways of the fandom, went into hiding, in some distant corner of the digital world, protected by their loved ones…

(Daisuke and Sora. I won't match them up to their loved ones, since you can make a plausible case for Daichi, Taiora, Sokari, and even Daikari. If you can't, you aren't a proper digimon fan.)

As the fanboys charged across the hills…

But in this many-sided coupling war we call the digimon fandom, there was one side that could truly be trusted. A side fighting for a quite plausible coupling, a coupling between characters who had saved each other's lives, their love so strong that one had to be convinced not to leave the other's side, even if it was the only way to save both world… Two characters that had truly been close for the whole series, or at least until Sora suddenly dropped off the face of the earth sometime in the late Kaiser arc and brought the other into sadness… And those who supported them are truly this world's hope.

However, the five Sokeru supporters were soon overwhelmed by the armies of Sorato fans, and all was lost, thus bringing about the end…

Notes:

There are many things that have odes or tributes written to them… Joy, for instance, or love, or famously, a small green lump of putty I found in my armpit one midsummer morning.

The digimon fandom is an odd choice for such a thing, but it is truly an interesting and fun place, and for so long it has been my home… This is all I can write with my creativity on such a thing, and I still have my other tales to work on, tales that may someday shape this fandom, instead of just admiring and confusing it…

"Stop that! This fic shall continue!" Chibi-Miyako yelled, reviving again and smiting the author. "And stop putting in so many ellipses, even if you are lethargic, hyperactivity is the basis of all anime-influenced insanity!"

"But… Ultimately… I live no longer…"

"Then write from beyond the grave, damn you!"

"No one's reading this far anyway…"

"Yes they are, I'll upload it and let the readers prove it to you!"

"No… I can not let such a thing happen!" The author shouted. "Never shall I let you be paired with Mimi, such an obviously one-sided pairing must never be allowed in this fic, and I know you'll throw in such a thing!" He said, glowing with a blue aura of death.

"But Mimi-chan's so hot!" Miyako wailed, and the author, disgusted by lolicon, sent her flying back into the digital world.

Then he uploaded the chapter in his boredom.


End file.
